Moving On
by myopinion1
Summary: Eric has been in love with Calleigh for years. How long should you wait until you decide to trade in your dreams for new ones? When Eric finally dates someone else, how long until Calleigh decides that perhaps Eric was part of her dreams?
1. Personal Review

It was the final straw and it was time to move on. Eric couldn't believe that he was even thinking of it. "Moving on." It sounded so final, so heartbreaking, so sad. It sounded like he was dealing with a death, and in some ways he was – the death of his desire, his dream. His mind, his thoughts, his heart were in so much turmoil, so full of pain and longing and confusion. Why not him? Why not him? What did they have that he didn't? He was told so many times that he was a good looking guy; he knew kept himself in shape, was intelligent, had an interesting (at least to him) job, and had a modest savings. And the most important thing was that he loved her. He really really loved her. What was he missing? Where was he lacking? What was he missing that those other guys she dated had. He tried and he tried, and he cried and he cried, but he just couldn't figure it out. He truly believed that he and Calleigh belonged together; that Calleigh was not only his best friend, but that she was meant to be his lover, his wife, and his life.

Eric continued to stare at the black screen of the off television in his room, revisiting and retelling in his mind the story and hopes of his life. At what point in your life do you say good-bye to your dreams, and try to dream new dreams? When is it time to give up? After Eric was shot, he no longer took for granted what most of the people around him did: Life. It amazed him that even in the business he was in of life and death, most people he worked with lived as if they were going to be around forever. He knew, in the most basic sense of almost dying, that his life was not endless, that he did not have an infinitive amount of time. If he wanted something in his life, he needed to do it soon. He knew he wanted more from his life: a wife, a home, children, a family. And Calleigh was supposed to be a part of that, at least in his mind; but, apparently, not in Calleigh's. Calleigh was with another man again.

Finally, he decided, finally, it was time to move on. Time to live his life, and stop waiting. Time to live for him and his future and time to make some of his dreams come true. He knew he loved Calleigh, would always love Calleigh. Should he wait forever for her to return his love? What if she never does? He can't and wouldn't force her. He would have wasted his life – his one and only life. Should he harass and stalk her? No, that doesn't show love and never would. Calleigh did not love him, as least not the same way he loved her. He should be honest with himself. He loved her enough to want her happiness, even if it was not with him. He had to let her go or he would end up an emotional mess, a lifeless man. He had to let her go before he turned into someone he no longer recognized.

He finally went to bed and went to sleep feeling as if he could start his new life – tomorrow would be the start of his future. He would try to be open to all possibilities.

* * * * * * * * * *

Eric arrived early at work the next morning, trying to be open to the possibilities of his life. He forced himself to greet Calleigh normally and easily, but similar to the way he greeted everyone else. She gave him a look, either because she noticed the difference or because she was wondering what he would say about the new man in her life.

Eric got right to work, trying to finish up his work left from his previous shift, and also what the night shift needed him to do. He hoped there would not be any new cases for him today until he could at least catch up.

Perhaps as an omen of his new, better life, fate was good to him. He was pretty much caught up when Horatio called him to go to a crime scene at an animal hospital.

"Sure, H, what's up?" asked Eric.

"The veterinarian came in this morning", Horatio paused as is his trademark, "to find the tech who watches the animals for the night on the floor dead. The place is a mess. Check with the vet to see if anything is missing."

"Shall do, H", replied Eric as he took his gear to his hummer and drove off to the scene.

Eric arrived at the scene taking in the view of the area. The veterinary building resembled a red barn, surrounded by a white picket fence with a few goats in a small paddock on the side of the building. It looked rather quant, however, its ambience was destroyed by the police cars and ME vehicle parked haphazardly in the parking lot.

Eric walked through the barn looking front door, and was shown down the hall by an officer. He entered a back room full of cages to see Alex bent over the body of a middle aged woman, examining her with the compassion and respect she showed all who came across her table. Alex gave a short smile to Eric as he entered the room and started speaking to him. "This poor baby died somewhere between 2 and 3 am. She was smashed on the head with something, but she doesn't seem to have put up much of a fight. I'll let you know more when I get her on my table."

"Thanks, Alex", Eric said, as he open his kit and got started on the room.

After taking the basic pictures and noting the main information of the crime scene, Eric went to speak to Frank Tripp. Frank had interviewed the vet who was the first one on the scene. Frank told Eric that the vet, Michael Martin, was supposed to come by the station for a formal interview, but in Frank's experienced opinion, Michael was not involved in the crime.

Late afternoon, Michael arrived for his interview accompanied by his sister, Lucy. Eric greeted Lucy and Michael when they arrived, and then took Michael into one of the interrogation rooms. Lucy had a seat in the lobby while her brother was giving his official statement.

Eric thanked Michael for coming in and was introduced to his sister, Lucy. Lucy was an attractive woman, early 30's, with light brown hair and hazel eyes. She had a ready smile for all those she met, and brother and sister seemed to get along well. They both volunteered with a citizen's ocean clean-up group, and their meeting was this evening. The official clean up day was the following Saturday. Eric's eyes followed them, or rather her, until they were out of his sight.

Eric turned around and almost bumped into Calleigh, who was watching him.

"Oh, uh, hi, Cal", Eric stumbled over his words.

"Hey, Eric, what's going on?" Calleigh asked, looking at him curiously.

"That was the veterinarian on the case I'm on, and his sister." Eric replied. "No guns involved, at least not yet, just blunt force trauma".

"Ah, Eric", Calleigh smiled. "You really know how to ruin a girl's day".

Eric chuckled. God, how he loved Calleigh. He really was going to miss her in his dreams and in his future family.


	2. Case Closed

**Authors Note: _Yes, this will be an eventual Eric/Calleigh romance (because I just love them together). However, I wanted a different point of view on Eric. The norm is Calleigh dates and Eric waits. I'm curious if Calleigh would care if Eric dated someone that he could become serious about? Would she be hurt or relieved? Calleigh may love Eric, but if and until she admits it to herself and Eric, how can they have a true relationship? How long should anyone wait for someone to return their romantic interest or love?_**

**_There is an old adage that says you cannot truly love someone else until you learn to love and respect yourself. Is Eric respecting himself when he is wallowing in his emotional turmoil waiting for Calleigh to decide? _**

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The following morning, as Eric entered the breakroom for his morning cup of coffee, he noticed Calleigh, deep in thought, sitting at the table, her hands around her coffee mug, staring straight ahead.

"Hey, Cal", Eric greeted her. "How are you doing?"

"Good morning, Eric", Calleigh replied. She seemed a little distracted.

Eric gently laid a hand on Calleigh's shoulder. "Calleigh, are you ok? You don't seem yourself this morning. Is there anything I can help you with? Do you need to talk?" Even though Eric made some decisions about his life, this was still Calleigh, his best friend. He would help her if he could. Perhaps, she would then realize that they were meant to be together . . . . . but no. He had to stop thinking that way. She chose someone else over him – again. He would help her as her friend, and expect nothing else in return.

Calleigh closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. Then she remembered. "Uh, no, Eric, thanks." She hesitated to tell him. She didn't want to tell him about her evening last night and her jumbled feelings. She had a date and Calleigh did not want to open that door again with Eric. She would not be able to stand the hurt look he would have in his eyes, and the emotional pain she knew he would be in. Did he even know about her date? It didn't seem like he did. She stood up and told Eric she had to get back to work, and she would talk to him later. Eric's eyes followed her, filled with longing and love.

Eric went downstairs to talk to Alex Woods, the ME, about the tech from the animal hospital. This case seemed pretty dull and Eric wanted to finish quickly. He was losing to Ryan in their "who has the better case" game.

"Eric, hello", Alex said. "How's everything going today?"

"Good morning, Alex", Eric replied. "What do you have for me on the vet tech, Beverly Stills?"

"Well, Eric, she is 47 years old and died from blunt force trauma to the back of her head right here."

Alex showed Eric the victim's head and the deep indentation in her skull.

"This poor baby didn't stand a chance. Her tox came back clean. No defensive wounds; just a lot of damage fast. She was hit with a heavy object hard."

Eric mused. "So either someone caught her unawares or she was killed by someone she knew, someone she trusted."

"I can tell you one other thing," Alex said. "She had sex within 3 hours of her death. I can give you a more precise time frame later today".

"Was she raped?"

"I don't think so. There's no evidence of tearing or trauma", Alex replied. "In my professional opinion I would say it was consensual."

"Thanks, Alex. Now I have new questions to ask."

"Find whoever did this, Eric. No one deserves to die like this.

Eric smiled at Alex. Whoever said that the reason some doctors became medical examiners was because they couldn't deal with the living never met Alex. Alex mothered everyone she worked with, younger or older. She never forgot that the people who came across her autopsy table had family and friends. They were somebody's children, somebody's baby regardless of their age when they died. They were people who had lives.

"I'll take care of her for you, Alex", Eric told her.

Alex handed Eric a copy of the autopsy report. "Thanks, baby, I know you will. See you later."

Eric left the morgue, and went back upstairs to put together the details of his case, and to consolidate all the evidence. Calleigh entered his room and went over to where Eric was pouring over his notes.

"Hi, Eric", Calleigh said with her trademark smile. "How's your case going?"

"Hey, Calleigh, I'm just going over the autopsy report from Alex. I'm going to need to take a ride back over to the veterinarian hospital and check out a few more things."

"I'm a little slow now. Want some company for the ride and then we can get a bite to eat?"

"Sure, Cal, that sounds great", Eric said. Anytime Calleigh offered to keep him company was great.

Eric grabbed his kit and got into the hummer with Calleigh. As Eric drove, Calleigh just looked out the window at the passing scenery. They drove in silence, each in their own thoughts; both thinking about the other. For 2 people so physically and emotionally close to each other; they felt a million miles apart.

When they arrived at the animal hospital, Calleigh took in the view that Eric noticed on his first trip there. The red barn looking hospital with the white picket fence and the rocking chairs on the porch looked so peaceful, so serene. It was horrid that such an act of violence had occurred within its walls. Calleigh and Eric entered the hospital trying to see if anything was missed from the first time Eric was there; Calleigh being a trained fresh pair of eyes and Eric looking around with new information and new questions. They could find no new evidence; this testified to how skilled Eric was at his job. On the way back to the department, they discussed the case. Eric wanted to make a quick stop at the veterinarian's home for a couple of last minute questions. Calleigh agreed.

They arrived at the Martins' house and knocked on the door. Michael's wife, Kate, answered and invited them in. She and her sister-in-law, Lucy, whom Eric had already met, were visiting together and discussing last minute plans for shopping later. Lucy smiled "hello" at Eric and was introduced to Calleigh. Kate yelled up the stairs to Michael that he had company, and he said he would be right down.

"Hello, again, Dr. Martin," Eric said. "I have just a couple more questions that came up."

"Sure, whatever you need. Please, would you have a seat? Is there anything my wife can get you? Something to drink?"

"Thanks, no. We just need a few minutes of your time and then we'll be on our way", Eric answered.

"Certainly", Michael stated. "What do you need to know?"

"Was Beverly seeing anyone? A boyfriend?", Calleigh asked.

"Not that I know of", Michael replied. "We recently had a small Christmas party, and she didn't bring anyone to that. As a matter of fact, we had to convince her to go."

Lucy entered the conversation. "She wasn't dating anyone that she talked about. As a matter of fact, she's been pretty depressed recently that she has, umm had, no family or close friends. She felt she was getting older with nothing to show for her life. I know she had difficulties in maintaining relationships, but that's about all I know of the matter."

Eric continued to Michael, "You said that she worked for you for about 5 years, and that you never had any problems trusting her with the drugs or to handle the night shift alone."

"Correct. As I told Officer Tripp, the amount of personnel that is there during the night depends on the number of animals that are kept overnight and the reasons that the animals are kept. The last few nights have been rather slow so Beverly has been working alone. I just don't understand HOW whoever it was got in to steal the drugs and murder Beverly. The security is tight, and Beverly was not a fool."

Eric stood up. "Well, thank you for your time. We better get going." Eric extended his hand to help Calleigh up and said good-bye to Michael, Kate, and Lucy. He and Calleigh walked to the door and left the house.

When they got to the hummer and drove away, they went over their information. Calleigh told Eric that to her, it sounded as if Beverly was using her alone time as romantic trysts. She knew they had no known boyfriend, but it was just her intuition. Eric agreed that it might be possible, especially with the information Alex had given him.

They stopped to eat at a favorite deli for lunch, and took a few minutes to relax.

"You doing better, Cal?" Eric asked. "Did you enjoy your date last night?"

Calleigh started. She thought Eric didn't know. "Eric, umm, it was ok. Can we talk about this another time? I just don't want to deal with it now."

'Can we talk about this another time' was Calleigh-speak for 'Let's change the subject and forget this conversation'. Eric agreed to drop the subject, but made a mental note not to forget about this topic. He wanted to bring it up again.

Eric waited and watched while Calleigh finish her lunch; he was hungry and had already eaten his sandwich quickly.

"Calleigh, could I take you out to dinner tonight or tomorrow?" Eric asked out of the blue.

Calleigh took a couple of deep breaths. She could not meet Eric's eyes. "I'm sorry, Eric, I can't", she said. She was waiting for Eric's hurt puppy look, and his questions that would make her have to defend her actions and feelings. Eric's questions about her love life always made her defensive and gave her the feeling that she was under attack. She was surprised by his response.

"It's ok, Cal", Eric said kindly. "You have to do whatever makes you comfortable. But if you ever change your mind, you know where I am."

Calleigh looked up and met Eric's eyes. She was amazed at the compassion and peace she saw there. It had her wondering what was going on with Eric.

"Come on, Cal", Eric said standing. "Let's get back. I'm going to go with your idea and see where it leads." Eric threw some money on the table to cover the bill. "I want to have this case solved already."

When they got back to the lab, Eric found that all the lab work on his case was finished. The case was quickly solved. One of the fingerprints found was a CODIS hit on an Adam Cisneros, who had a record of drug use, drug distribution, and armed robbery and theft.

23 year old Adam Cisneros admitted to murdering Beverly for access to the drugs in the animal hospital. He had stolen Ketamine (which was marketed on the street as Special K), Valuim, and Paltelazol. These missing drugs matched the report that was given to the police by the veterinarian.

Adam had told Eric and Calleigh in the interrogation, "When I found out that she worked the night shift as a tech at a veterinarian hospital most of the time alone, I decided to get interested in her. She was pretty easy to convince. She was middle-aged and starting to realize that her life was half over. She wanted something new. She told me she had no family and no real ties. She was lonely and looking for a good time. I gave her great sex with no emotional commitment. I met her about a half a dozen times in the hospital, until I could get the drugs."

Eric was angry. "So basically you used her. . . . ."

Adam cut Eric off and yelled, "Of course I used her, she wanted to be used! She would tell me sob stories, like I cared. Some guy who loved her that she turned down because she was afraid, how much better her life would be now, blah, blah, blah. Tough family life, blah, blah, blah. How she liked being with me because we just had an arrangement."

Eric retorted, "You found out that she had a problem, and you used that to your advantage. Then when she felt comfortable with you, you killed her and took what you wanted."

Eric turned to the officer in the room, "Take him, and get him out of my sight." Another case closed.

Eric went to leave the room, and noticed Calleigh just sitting there. He went to her and put his hand gently on her shoulder.

"Cal, we're done. Are you ok?"

Calleigh stood and the mask was back on. "Yes, Eric. I'm fine. See you later."

Once again, Eric watched her leave, wondering.


	3. Step Forward

The receptionist called Eric hours later at the end of his shift and asked him to come to the front desk because he had a visitor. He was surprised to see Lucy, Michael Martin's sister, standing there waiting for him.

She smiled at Eric and said, "I hope you don't mind, but I wanted to stop by and thank you for finding out what happened to Beverly and my brother's clinic. I still can't believe it."

Eric smiled back. "No problem, Miss Martin. I was just doing my job. No thanks needed."

"Please, call me Lucy." She stood there a little nervously. "Would it be inappropriate if I bought you a drink or something to say thanks?"

Eric was speechless. He stood there for a minute, like a deer caught in a car's headlights, trying to figure out what to do. Eric's love for Calleigh prevented him from being involved with another woman for a very long time; he hasn't even had a fling recently. He knew there was not a commitment agreement between him and Calleigh - heck, there wasn't even a romantic relationship except in his own mind - but somehow it still felt like cheating. Calleigh, though, continued to date other men regardless of how Eric felt about it. Who was Eric really cheating on? Himself?

Eric's lack of response made Lucy blush and apologize, "Oh, I am so sorry for putting you on the spot. I should not have asked you that. I'm sorry; I think I'll leave now."

"No, wait." Eric stopped debating with himself and started talking. "It's fine and I would like to have a drink with you, if you still want to. My shift is over now and I have no plans, so whenever you like is fine." Eric made another step forward in his life.

Ryan was off duty and on his way out when he entered the reception area. He caught the tail end of the exchange between Eric and Lucy. Ryan watched in bewilderment as Eric and Lucy walk out the door together, quietly talking and trying to decide where to meet. Ryan just stared at Eric's back until they were out of sight.

Lucy wasn't Calleigh, but she was smart, attractive, and very compassionate. They went to a small bar and seafood place near the beach. It had a relaxed and comfortable atmosphere, and the food was modestly priced, but good. Lucy asked Eric about his life and his job and she seemed to listen well, and respond appropriately in all the right places. Lucy then told Eric a little about herself.

"I'm the youngest of 4 children; you already met my brother Michael, the vet. I have another brother, John, who sells real estate and does landscaping, and a sister, Ellen, who is a counselor. Currently, though, she is a stay-at-home mom. We all get along pretty well now."

Lucy didn't go into details, but did admit that she and her siblings had a difficult childhood. She laughed, though, and said she was no longer that child, but now an adult making adult decisions.

"I'm a marine biologist, and I absolutely love my work. I work at the Miami Seaquarium, and I also do some freelance lecturing. I'll volunteer where I can, and especially if it's ocean-related. I also help my brother, Michael, upon occasion, at his vet practice. That's how I get him to help me with the ocean clean up duty", she chuckled.

Lucy was entertaining to listen to and very modest when she spoke of her accomplishments. He was surprised with himself when he found that he was actually enjoying her company. They discussed a little of their favorite dive spots and where to get the best equipment.

Eric was taken aback to find that they had talked for a few hours. He felt very comfortable with Lucy. They mutually decided that it was time to leave, and they left in their respective cars to their own homes. However, before they both drove off, Eric asked Lucy to dinner for the following night, and she agreed. Eric drove home with a smile on his face, and was surprised that he did not think of Calleigh at all while Lucy was talking.

When Eric arrived at home, he got ready for bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed and rubbed his hands through his hair deep in thought. He once again viewed the black screen on the off television and went over the evening in his mind. Was he doing the right thing by going on a date with Lucy?

He wondered a little what Calleigh was doing - was she at home or on another date? Was she thinking of him at all? Was she wondering what he was doing? Did Calleigh care? Was she curious if he was out on a date or did she just expect him not to be because of her? Perhaps she never thought about it one way or the other. He remembered the surprised look on her face when he calmly asked her if her date went well the night before.

Why didn't Calleigh want him? No, he had to stop thinking of that! He needed to go forward in his life now and accept that he could not make Calleigh – not make anyone – do what he wanted. The only life he could live was his own.

He wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing - this new-found idea of his - of getting on with his life. He did know, though, that he couldn't continue to tear his heart out about Calleigh - it was going to destroy him if things didn't change.

Maybe this change would enable him to have some peace, and not be tormented by images of Calleigh with another man - images of Calleigh _choosing_ another man over him.

Eric thought a little more about Lucy; he actually liked her and enjoyed her company. He was looking forward to seeing her again. The question then, that he needed to ask himself and answer, was where does he go from here?

Eric went to sleep still pondering that question.

* * * * *

Ryan cornered Eric in the breakroom when he arrived at work the next morning. He was always interested in Eric's love conquests.

"So, Eric, I saw you leaving last night."

Eric looked at Ryan, "So?".

"Yes, you left with a very attractive woman. So give me all the details, buddy. Who is she? Did you spend the night?"

Ryan liked to get tips and insights from Eric on his dates, but let's be honest; Eric's been a little dry lately. He gave Eric the 3rd degree and grilled him on his evening. Yesterday, Ryan had heard Lucy ask Eric if she could buy him a drink, and he was astonished when he heard Eric agree.

"No, Ryan, I didn't spend the night - it wasn't like that. Lucy's nice. I'm taking her to dinner tonight. She's a marine biologist and we have a lot in common. I had a good time."

Calleigh walked into the room just as Eric was telling Ryan that he had a very nice time last night, and that he was taking Lucy out for dinner tonight. Eric and Ryan both jumped when they heard a loud yelp from Calleigh and a bang. She had walked into the corner of the table and knocked together the objects on it. While Ryan steadied the table and the mugs, Eric steadied Calleigh and made sure she was ok. It was so unlike Calleigh to be clumsy or careless that both Eric and Ryan looked at each other in amazement.

"Cal", Eric whispered, concerned. "Are you hurt? Do you feel ok?"

Calleigh lifted her eyes to look at Eric or rather, Eric's nose. She couldn't seem to make herself meet his eyes. "I'm fine, I'm fine. It was really silly of me not to watch where I was walking."

"Let me take a look at it," Eric told her. "Do you want an icepack?"

"No, I'm really fine. I have to get back to work; I have a lot to do. I'll see you two later." She quickly left the room without getting her coffee.

"Wow", Ryan said. "I wonder what's gotten her all flustered and bothered."

Eric just stared after Calleigh, a puzzled look on his face.


	4. Second Date

Eric entered Calleigh's lab and saw Calleigh sitting at her desk. She was initialing the ballistic reports completed yesterday. He laid down a mug of his special Cubano coffee blend on her desk.

"Here," he said quietly. "You never got your coffee this morning. How's your hip? Any bruises?"

Without looking up from her paperwork, Calleigh picked up the coffee and inhaled the fragrance. She took a long sip.

"Thanks, Eric," Calleigh also replied quietly, her eyes still on the paperwork. "I'm fine; no permanent damage. I don't know what got into me."

"Calleigh? Cal? Please look at me."

Calleigh heard the worry in Eric's voice, and lifted her eyes to his. She saw concern and caring in his eyes and quickly dropped her eyes from his. She needed to keep her walls up with all her confusing emotions. She knew, though, that it would be impossible if he searched her eyes for more than a minute.

"Cal, please talk to me. What's the matter? Can I help?"

"There is nothing to help with."

Calleigh then dismissed Eric with her bright smile. "Eric, I'm fine. I really need to get back to work. Thank you for the coffee; you know its my favorite. It was very sweet of you."

"You're welcome for the coffee; anytime, you know that."

Eric continued to look at her and Calleigh continued to look at her paperwork and sip her coffee.

"OK, Cal. I'll go now, but remember that if there is anything I can do, you have only to ask", Eric said as he lightly gripped her shoulder.

When he removed his hand and left the room, Calleigh could still feel the warmth of his fingers on her shoulder. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard.

_'Calleigh Duquesne, get a grip on yourself. You are starting to fall apart, and this has got to stop. Get a grip on yourself and get back to work. You did not get where you are at by getting distracted. Do _not _let yourself get emotional and weak.'_

_* * * * * * * * * *_

Eric came back into Calleigh's lab about 20 minutes later. She was still looking at the same small stack of papers, still deep in thought.

"Cal, H needs us to go to the Seybold Building on NE 1st. One of their customers, a Simon Grez, has been murdered and we need to interview his friend who works there."

Calleigh tried to steady her nerves. She pasted on her professional happy face and stood up. "OK, Eric. I'm ready. Let's go."

Eric and Calleigh got into the hummer and Eric drove out of the parking lot.

As he drove, Eric watched Calleigh out of the corner of his eye. Calleigh, for her part, sat silently and just continued to look out her window. She could feel Eric's eyes on her as was trying to process her conflicting emotions.

Eric couldn't take this particular uncomfortable silence anymore. "Cal, is everything ok with you?"

"Sure, Eric. Why wouldn't it be?"

"You seem distracted and not like yourself, and I just want to be there and help you if you're having a problem with something. Calleigh, you're my friend, you know that. I care about you a lot." Eric's voice got huskier at that last sentence.

Calleigh mellowed a little at his tone. She didn't want to tell him that she was doing a lot of thinking about him, about _them_. Her emotions were distressingly confusing to her, and she felt extremely threatened by the intimacy Eric wanted and needed from her.

Calleigh was afraid that if Eric knew the real her and all of her secrets he would not want to be with her anymore; none of the other guys she ever dated stayed with her when they had to deal with her faults. Why was having a good relationship so difficult for her? Other people seemed to have one without too many problems.

"You're my friend, too, Eric. I have some things on my mind and just need to work some things out. I would tell you if I thought you could help me."

"I don't want to pressure you, so I'll accept that answer for now - but I feel so helpless when you're hurting and I can't help.

Calleigh tried to reign in her emotions a little more tightly; she did not want Eric to see the tears building in her eyes. Why _was_ he so good to her? She didn't deserve it; she could never be the woman Eric needed her to be.

Calleigh and Eric arrived at the Seybold Building and began their interview procedures. They completed their interview and in the process ended up interviewing two additional people. They left to return back to the lab with the supplementary information with the hope that the case would shortly be solved and closed.

Calleigh and Eric discussed the case on the way back to their building. Each had tremendous respect for the other and their respective insights. Calleigh regained some of the ease she felt with Eric since this discussion was non-threatening to her emotional well-being.

As they pulled into the parking space, Eric turned to Calleigh, found her eyes, and asked, "Cal, I would like to take you to dinner tomorrow night or whenever if you are free. Will you let me?"

Calleigh tore her eyes from Eric's dark hopeful ones. Eric taking her to dinner was much different than ordering take-out together when they spent time with each other either watching a movie or talking. 'Taking her to dinner' was the equivalent of a _date._ Was she ready for a date with Eric.? She _wanted_ to be ready to date Eric; but she didn't think so.

She mumbled, "I can't", as she found the door handle and quickly opened the door and got out. With the door between them providing her with emotional security and space, she flashed him a bright smile. "I'm sorry, but thank you for asking."

They both walked toward the entrance to the Criminal Investigations building, each deep in their own thoughts.

* * * * * * * * * *

Eric arrived to pick up Lucy at her house at exactly 7:00 pm. It was a small bungalow with teal shutters and large pieces of driftwood focused on the front lawn. The house was nicely landscaped, courtesy of her brother he supposed. Lucy was ready, as he expected. She was dressed in a matching skirt and top, sea-green that brought out the highlights in her hair. She looked wonderful. Eric held her car door for her, and closed it when she sat inside. She smiled and mouthed "_thank you_" through the glass.

Eric took Lucy out to a Japanese restaurant and they placed their orders. Lucy decided on the sushi sampler and Eric chose domburi. Eric was surprised when Lucy thanked the waiter in Japanese.

Lucy looked at Eric and smiled. "Now don't get the wrong idea. I do _not _know how to speak Japanese. I deal with a Japanese speaking couple who has some exotic fish. I usually try to learn the basic phrases in the languages of the people I know. It's interesting for me to learn, and most people seem to really appreciate the courtesy."

Once again, Eric found himself enjoying Lucy's conversations and her company. He even told her a little about his current and confusing family situation, but did not tell her of the attempt on his life. Since he really didn't know all the facts and reasons, he just decided to wait on more information. For a second time, Lucy proved to be a good listener and conversationalist.

They finished their dinner in companionable silence, enjoying each other's company.

Since they were in an authentic Japanese restaurant, they had strong green tea and wa-gashi (sweets) instead of yo-gashi (western sweets) to finish their meal. They commented over the differences as they ate.

"It's amazing how the Japanese can make these delicious cakes using red beans instead of the typical western butter and milk", Lucy said.

Eric took another bite. "Is that what is in this? These are delicious. Does this mean I'm eating my vegetables for dessert?"

Lucy almost choked when she busted out laughing. "What is it with men and their vegetables?" she teased.

Eric chucked and exaggerating his motions, put his hand over his heart. "In defense of all the men, that hurts."

Then he quickly became serious. "Lucy, I had a really nice time with you. I would like to do this again."

"Eric, I like you and I had a really nice time with you too. I'm a little busy with work and some meetings for the next several days or more. How about I give you a call and let you know when I'm free?"

"That sounds like a good idea. We've gotten a couple of difficult cases at the lab also, so I may need to put in some overtime."

Eric drove Lucy home, since he had picked her up at her home this time. They talked of inconsequential things as they drove.

He politely refused her offer to come inside when they arrived at her home. Eric opened the car door for Lucy and walked her to her door. He gave her a short kiss goodnight on her cheek before sending her inside. Lucy wished him a good-night as she closed the door.

Again, Eric drove home with a smile on his face, and the realization that he did not mope over Calleigh once the entire evening. He just continued to hope and pray that he was doing the right thing.

* * * * * * * * * *

The following morning, Natalia cornered Calleigh in her lab and asked her what she knew of Eric's new girlfriend. It's been a long while since any of them had seen Eric with a real girlfriend. Natalia had gotten most of the details of Eric's date last night from Ryan; he had given Eric the 3rd degree as soon as he saw him.

Calleigh didn't know what to do or what to say. Natalia was talking and asking her questions and Calleigh still couldn't get her mind around the fact that Eric – _her_ Eric – had gone on a date with someone – had gone on more than one date with someone and, apparently enjoyed himself.

Calleigh knew Eric had dated other women in the past, many other women before. However, they all seemed to be entertainment, just a little fun for a time, and then on to the next one. She knew, though, if she was honest with herself, Eric had not been dating recently. Calleigh knew he was waiting for her - waiting for her as she continued to reject him many times. How many times is one time too many?

This woman, Lucy, was different; Calleigh knew that in her heart. This one gave Calleigh feelings she never had before, feelings she never thought she was capable of, feelings that she didn't even have a name for. This 'Lucy' scared her and made her want to curl up in a little ball on the floor and rock herself and cry.

Natalia was still talking, and Calleigh didn't hear a word she said. "Calleigh . . . . . Calleigh", Natalia was saying. "Are you OK? You've gotten very pale."

"Sorry", Calleigh said and looked up. "I have a bit of a head-ache, and should go get something for it. I'll catch you later."

Calleigh walked into the locker room, opened her locker, and sat down in front of it. Tears welled in her eyes. What is she _doing_? What _is_ her problem? She read Eric's file, and she knew how he felt about her, what he wanted for their future together. She remembered the words "_settling down . . . . .It would be nice if it were Calleigh_". Those words made her feel so special at the time - until the fears came.

She pretended she was protecting his privacy when she did not bring up what she read - but who was she kidding? Who was she really protecting? It was not his privacy she was really protecting, but her emotions - her jumbled and misunderstood emotions.

She could not just stop knowing how Eric felt, no matter what she said. Yet, she still went out with another man. She knew Eric wanted her and cared about her, and once again she rejected him. What did she want from Eric? _What_ did _she _want from Eric? His friendship? His love? His future with her?

She could not even bring herself to tell Eric that she was thinking about him, about them. She wouldn't even give him an idea that she was contemplating the possibility of a_ 'them'._ How long does she expect him to wait and watch from the sidelines? Until he was an old man? Doesn't he deserve to know where he stands? Where she stands in regards to him?

Calleigh always tried to control her emotions; rampant uncontrolled emotions were common in her childhood. She learned early how painful they could be and learned to build her emotional walls; it was the way she protected herself and survived. Perhaps Eric would be better off with Lucy than with her. Eric could be with someone who was able to deal with emotions and be open and loving. Eric - _her Eric_- deserved the best. And Calleigh knew that she was not the best.

Calleigh put on her professional and confident mask, stood up, closed her locker door, and walked back to her office ready for a day of work. People depended on her and she would not let them down.


	5. Officer Down

The next few weeks were busy in the lab for Calleigh and Eric. Eric tried to talk to Calleigh privately a couple of times, but she always gave him excuses on why she had no time. Eric did not know what was bothering Calleigh, and it had him very worried. He even tried to enlist Natalia's help, but she was not able to get anywhere with Calleigh either.

Finally, desperate, Eric cornered Calleigh in her lab one day as she entered it.

"Calleigh, what is going on? Did I do something to offend you? Why are you avoiding me?"

Calleigh was put on the spot. She looked at Eric. "What do you mean? I haven't been avoiding you; I've been very busy."

"That's not it, Cal, and you know it. Please tell me what is going on."

"Nothing's been going on, Eric. I am trying to do my work; it's been very busy. I don't want to fall behind."

Eric stared at Calleigh trying to figure out what she was_ not_ telling him; trying to understand what she _wouldn't_ tell him.

"Calleigh, you can take a minute to talk to me now; no one is around to hear. I'll help you catch up if you need me to on my free time. I want to - no, I need to talk to you."

Calleigh looked at Eric and crossed her arms across her chest defensively and said, "OK, talk."

Eric glanced at Calleigh and swallowed hard; he felt like he had a lump in his throat. "Cal, I don't know what I'm doing anymore in regards to you; I feel as if I'm in quicksand, and the more I move, the more and faster I sink. It seems as if everything I do lately is wrong. I want you as my friend; I even wanted more than that, but you don't. That's ok, though, but what is bothering me is I feel as if I'm losing you as a friend too." Eric sounded as if he was trying hard not to cry.

Calleigh softened a little. It tore at her heart to see Eric suffering, especially over her. "Eric, I am your friend. I trust you with my life, and hope that you know you can trust me with yours. I just have a lot of things that I'm dealing with that I can't even put into words. When I find the words, I will try to tell you. Can you accept that?"

"I don't know. I don't seem to have much of a choice. Does it perhaps have anything to do with me dating Lucy?" Eric looked at Calleigh, slightly embarrassed. He wasn't sure if he should ask that, but he thought it was a fair question.

Calleigh startled, surprised. She had been thinking a lot about Eric with Lucy - heck, almost all of the time if she was honest with herself - but she couldn't admit that to Eric. It would make her sound all pathetic and needy and she could not deal with his pity.

"Um, no," Calleigh stumbled. "I mean you can be friends with whomever you want to, um, be friends with . . . ."

Eric peered at Calleigh. He had mixed emotions about her answer. On one hand, he was glad Calleigh was not being hurt by him because he was dating Lucy - he never wanted to be a cause of Calleigh's pain. On the other hand, there was a part of him that was in agony because Calleigh didn't care if or who he was dating.

Eric gently put his hand underneath Calleigh's chin. He lifted her face slightly until her eyes could meet his. He softly rubbed his thumb on her cheek and looked into her eyes. He wanted to kiss her so badly, and have her beg him not to be with anyone else but her. He wanted her to press close to him and moan his name as his mouth moved over hers.

Eric shook his head slowly, coming out of his daydream. Then he felt slightly guilty about wanting to kiss Calleigh when he was dating Lucy. "I'm glad that I'm not the source of your discomfort or pain," he told her. "Please let me help you if you need it."

"I will tell you if I can figure out a way you can help me," Calleigh promised.

It would have to do for now. Eric left Calleigh's lab, trying to figure out what he was missing.

* * * * * * * * * *

Eric walked toward the receptionist's area of the building. Lucy had called him and was stopping in at Eric's work to give him a copy of her written sea report. She had done research on exotic fish in certain unpopular dive spots, and one of Eric's diving buddies, Jason, wanted to check it out.

Eric thought things were going well between Lucy and him. They had been getting together a few times per week and talking on the phone once or twice a week in addition. He had a lot of respect for her as a person. They had even gone diving together twice and Eric was astounded with the variety of marine life at the almost unknown dive sites she had shown him. They were definitely up on his list of best dives done.

Physically, Eric and Lucy were taking it slow by mutual choice. They engaged in some kissing, but nothing more. Eric was looking for a relationship, a future, not a fling; he had had too many flings already. Lucy said that she was looking for a future too, and didn't want regrets to mar her relationship with him or anyone else.

Eric had a few minutes free so he decided to wait at the front area for Lucy; she was arriving any minute.

In the meanwhile, Horatio walked into Calleigh's lab and called her. "Calleigh, I need you and Eric to drive to a house on NW 3rd. Here's a copy of the report. Be sure to check the master bedroom thoroughly; I know there is something missing there. I am hoping you can add more evidence to what we have so far from the night shift."

Calleigh took the report from Horatio and went to find Eric. She was told by Ryan that Eric was heading toward the front door of the building. Calleigh spotted Eric standing near the receptionist's desk.

She called to him, "Eric, Horatio needs us to check out a house; I have the details. Would you be ready now?"

Eric turned to look at Calleigh. "Give me a few minutes, Cal. Lucy'll be here any minute to drop off a report for a friend of mine, then we can go."

Lucy walked through the door within another minute and up to Eric. She handed him her papers, smiled, wrapped her arms around him, and kissed him on the lips. "Hi there. Thanks for meeting me up front."

Eric hugged and kissed Lucy back. "Hi yourself. I was actually going to see if we had time to get a bite to eat together, but now I find out that I have to go out on a case."

Eric kept his arm around Lucy's waist and turned to Calleigh. "Calleigh, this is Lucy; I don't know if you remember her. Lucy, Calleigh."

Lucy extended her hand to Calleigh and smiled. "Calleigh, so nice to see you again. Thank you for your help in my brother's case. Eric speaks very highly of you."

Lucy watched curiously while Calleigh's face flashed all sorts of emotions. Finally, Calleigh straightened and shook Lucy's hand. "Yes, hello. Nice to meet you. I'm sorry we have to go now."

Calleigh told Eric, "Meet me at the hummer when you're done," as she walked out. Lucy's eyes followed Calleigh inquisitively as she walked away, then she turned back to Eric. "Lunch would have been nice, but your duty calls. Please be careful; you know I worry. Talk to you soon."

Eric gave Lucy a quick kiss good-bye and told her he would call her later.

"Thanks again for bringing these papers. Jason is really going to love them."

Eric walked out and headed toward the hummer and Calleigh.

Calleigh sat in the hummer in a state of shock. She never knew how painful, how difficult it would be to see Eric with another woman, see his arms around another woman, see him kissing another woman. She had heard stories of Eric dating Lucy; she knew he was dating Lucy. She had even stood next to Eric a time or two when he was talking to Lucy on the telephone. But this was different; this was so much more painful. Someone once said a picture is worth a thousand words; she now has that picture in her head. Eric and Lucy. Eric and Lucy together. She knows that from now on, every time she closes her eyes, she will see that picture. Every time.

She needed to deal with that fact, and deal with it fast. Eric was walking toward the hummer and she had to get herself under control before he got there.

* * * * * * * * * *

Calleigh and Eric entered the house which was originally cleared by the police. There was no hint or sound of the danger they were walking into.

A disheveled man stood silently in the huge master bedroom surveying the room with his eyes. He did not move a muscle nor make a sound. When Eric and Calleigh entered the room, the intruder already had his gun pointing straight at them, his finger on the trigger.

"Come a few steps closer and stop," he said, "and don't try anything. I don't care if I live or die, and I can make sure to take at least one of you with me."

Calleigh and Eric looked at each other, the fear for the other clear in their eyes.

The man ordered them, "I want your guns now; slowly put them on the floor one at a time, and kick them over to me. If you try anything - and I mean anything - I swear to you that I will keep shooting as I lay dying."

Eric knew that he would die to protect Calleigh, and he was trying to figure out how to rush the perpetrator while imposing his body between the gun and Calleigh.

Calleigh, on the other hand, saw a particular part of her life flash through her mind. She was remembering Eric shot as he lay in the hospital and dying, and finally his slow but miraculous recovery. She could _not_ go through that again. She could not, would not lose Eric. She finally admitted to herself there, staring in the face of death, that her feelings for Eric went beyond friendship, had already blossomed into love. She loved Eric. She was in love with Eric. She truly _loved_ Eric with her body, mind, and soul. Why did it have to take the inevitable death of one of them for her to admit it to herself?

Calleigh and Eric unholstered their guns and laid them on the floor as ordered. They kicked them to their captor, and stood, trying to find a way out of this predicament alive. Neither could bear the thought of having the other one hurt or killed.

As the three of them stood there for a moment eying each other and the gun, they were startled by the sound of Ryan's voice calling as he was walking up the stairs. "Hey guys, H sent me over to help you here. We need to finish quickly and head over to another 2 scenes. Today is crazy."

In a tenth of a second faster then Eric, Calleigh rushed the perpetrator while he was startled by Ryan's voice, and imposed her body between the gun and Eric. As she disarmed the assailant and knocked him out, the gun went off. A body dropped and a loud anguished scream was heard.

Ryan's voice was heard calling for back-up for 'shots fired, officer involved' and an ambulance. He entered the room cautiously with his gun drawn, ready for anything.

"Oh, my God, no. . . . . no", Ryan cried when he entered.

He quickly handcuffed the unconscious assailant, and knelt down near Eric and Calleigh. "Hurry with that ambulance," Ryan cried into his radio. "Officer down! Officer down! Hurry!"


	6. Aftermath

"Oh, my God, Eric," Ryan cried, "what happened here?" He could barely see with all the tears running down his face.

Eric ignored Ryan, and just held onto Calleigh, as if he was in a tug-of-war with the Grim Reaper and he refused to lose.

Calleigh lifted her eyes to Eric and smiled sadly at him through her pain. She spoke in agony and very softly told Eric, "This was . . worth it; you . . . are ok. . . . I . . . just couldn't . . . watch . . . you . . " and then she sunk into unconsciousness.

"Cal, . . . . Cal, no . . .no! Why? Oh, God, no, please. Querida, don't leave me, hang on." Eric was mumbling over and over.

Ryan tried to help Calleigh through his tears. He told Eric, "Not now, not now. Pull yourself together, man! She needs you. We have to stop the bleeding! Don't go nuts on me now."

Ryan made Eric look at him and meet his eyes. Ryan ordered Eric, "We need to keep her breathing and put pressure on her wound. Remember your ABC's. Eric, keep focused if you want to help her.

"A - Airway - is her airway open?

"B - Breathing - is she breathing sufficiently on her own?

"C - Circulation - is her blood moving sufficiently to pump oxygen to all her organs? We need to put pressure on and stop or slow down her severe bleeding."

Calleigh's breathing became more labored as she lay unconscious; air from her right lung was escaping from the bullet hole.

"She was shot in her right lower chest, Ryan. I think it punctured her lung."

"Hand me the plastic wrap from your kit," Ryan told Eric. "We need to make an airtight seal over the hole in her chest to keep her lung from collapsing."

Eric handed Ryan the plastic square and they taped it over the hole leaving one corner not taped as a vent. This allowed her lung to fill with air as she breathed without it collapsing any further.

"Now let's see if there's anything we can do to slow her bleeding."

Footsteps were heard as police officers and medics rushed upstairs. The medics opened their gear as the assailant was taken away by the police. Frank Tripp looked as if it took all of his self control and then some not to beat the shooter into a bloody pulp.

No matter how quickly an ambulance arrives; when a loved one needs one, it's never quick enough. To Eric and Ryan, five minutes seemed like five hours.

The medics took over Calleigh's care and put her on the gurney and into the ambulance.

Horatio spoke briefly to Eric and Ryan; Eric answered him in monotones, too preoccupied with Calleigh's condition to give Horatio his full attention. Horatio told Natalia and Ryan to go back to the bedroom to find out what this unidentified shooter was doing there. It was Horatio's intent to be in the interview room when Frank spoke to the suspect.

Eric insisted on riding in the back of the ambulance with Calleigh. Generally, with a patient so seriously injured, family and friends were barred so that they would not interfere with the care and treatment of the patient. However, Eric was CSI, and professional courtesy gave him the allowance to ride the rear of the ambulance as long as he did not hinder the medics in the care of their patient.

Eric held Calleigh's hand when allowed and spoke to her almost continuously. "Calleigh, fight. I need you to fight, querida. Stay with me; I need you. Please, querida, please hold on. Please don't leave me, querida." Eric voice was rough with unshed tears and internal torment.

Medics were generally immune to the emotional words and the crying of the family and friends of their patients; they needed to be able to concentrate soley on their patients without the added interferance of distractions if they wanted to help them. However, even the medics were touched by the clear love and agony in Eric's voice as he spoke to Calleigh.

They arrived at the hospital and immediately sent Calleigh to be prepped for surgery and wheeled her to the OR unit.

Eric was left behind as only emergency personnel were allowed further down the hall. He dutifully filled out paperwork for Calleigh, smudged with his tears, and then was given directions to the waiting room.

The waiting room was easy enough to find, even in his turmoil. He found one of the private side rooms and paced back and forth. He awaited the arrival of the rest of the team; he knew they would be on the way to the hospital shortly.

Now Eric had all this free time - free time on his hands to think and to worry - and to blame himself.

Eric knew that soon he would have to give a verbal and written report of his and Calleigh's and Ryan's ordeal; the bureaucracy wanted it within a few hours so that it was still fresh in his mind. Ryan already probably gave his report, which would take some of the pressure off of Eric; however, Ryan was not upstairs when the bullet was fired.

* * * * * * * * * *

Lucy went to the hospital to try to comfort Eric and see how she could help him. Eric had called her in tears and told her that Calleigh had been shot and that she was in surgery. Lucy left her work and cancelled her class for the evening. She wanted to be available for Eric if he needed her.

Eric looked so tired and worried that Lucy's heart cried for him. Eric was in agony. He couldn't think, couldn't even see straight.

Horatio, Ryan, & Natalia were all talking quietly in one area of the waiting room with Alex, finding some comfort with each other.

Eric, however, sat alone in a corner by himself, his face in his hands, staring at the floor but not seeing anything. He had rejected the companionship and support of his friends and was just wallowing alone in his misery.

Lucy went to the corner to Eric, sat next to him and just held him carefully in her arms. She didn't say a word.

Finally, when Eric looked up at her, her eyes were full of compassion.

"I am so sorry, Eric. Are you able to tell me what happened?"

Eric gave her the basic facts about the shooting, and then told her what was eating at him the most; where he failed Calleigh the most.

"Lucy, I froze. I have all this training; we have to take a basic first aid course as part of our job. And I froze. Not only did Calleigh take the bullet for me, but I sat there and did nothing. If she dies; it's all my fault. How could I be so useless and stupid? I should have protected her and helped her, and I didn't."

Lucy continued to just hold Eric and keep him company. She knew that he was not ready to hear any words that would absolve him of his blame. In Eric's mind, he wanted, no, he _needed_ to feel guilty right now. His actions after Calleigh was shot were normal reactions for anyone, even professionals; Eric held Calleigh to give her comfort and to receive comfort, to bond together from the horror. However, Lucy knew that she could not remind him of that now; his mind was in too much turmoil.

Calleigh was still in surgery and everyone was waiting - still waiting and waiting. Time moves differently in an OR waiting room; Eternity doesn't seem half as long as waiting for the surgeon does.

Finally, hours later, the surgeon entered the room with his assistant. The surgeon waited while everyone gathered around him; his face giving nothing away. Finally, he spoke. "The surgery went as well as could be expected. The bullet hit a rib, punctured her right lung, and damaged her liver. She lost a lot of blood. We fixed everything that we could find; we are still awaiting results on some tests.

"She's in our recovery room now, at least for a few hours. She will then be transferred to our SICU (Surgical Intensive Care Unit) and we'll see from there how long she needs to stay. As of right now, she's doing as well as can be expected. If all goes well, she should, cautiously, make a full recovery."

The surgeon paused a moment to see if there were any questions.

Horatio asked, "When can we see her?"

"Well, she's still unconscious, and that will probably be for a few more hours. You won't be able to see her until we transfer her to SICU, but we will limit the amount of people in her room to one or two at one time. It's going to be a while yet; there's nothing you can do here now. If you want my professional opinion, leave and come back. It'll still be at least 3 or 4 hours if not more."

Eric looked at the surgeon, "If we leave and something goes wrong . . . . " He trailed off, not wanting to mention the unthinkable.

The surgeon looked at all of them in turn. "If something goes wrong, it will go quickly and you still would not be allowed near her during that time." He then softened his voice, "Listen, I can't tell you what to do, but you can't do anything here. Go deal with your people and your paperwork. My assistant will call Horatio at the slightest change. When she wakes up, you can see her."

"Thank you, Doctor," Alex said. "We'll do as you suggest." She motioned her friends and colleagues out of the room and to the elevators.


	7. Awakenings

Everyone, including Lucy, went back to the Miami Dade Criminal Investigation building.

Eric had to give his verbal report of the incident and complete his written report, and then he was free to go. He would be mandated, though, to schedule a few extra sessions with the company psychiatrist.

The rest of the team went back to work on Calleigh's case and other cases. They already had the perpetrator who shot Calleigh and all the evidence; they just needed to find a motive to tie up the loose ends. Horatio and Frank did not get much out of the man other than his name, Paul Ruis. He had a history of being committed to psychiatric hospitals. They still had no idea what he was doing in the bedroom of that house.

Lucy sat in the lab's waiting room reading one of her marine reports while Eric gave his statement and completed his written testimony.

Eric had told her that he was probably going to be a few hours, but Lucy said she didn't mind waiting. She wanted them to get something to eat afterwards since Eric was given the rest of the day off because of his ordeal.

Natalia had walked by the reception area and saw Lucy sitting and reading. She was very curious about Eric's girlfriend, and decided to walk in and talk to her for a minute. Natalia had said hello to Lucy in the hospital, but they did not have a proper introduction or conversation; now would be a good time.

"Hi, Lucy. I'm Natalia Boa Vista. I'm a CSI here; my specialty is DNA analysis. I just wanted to say hi and see if there is anything I can get you."

"Lucy Martin. And thank you, that's very kind," Lucy answered. "I'm doing fine, though, and just finishing up some work. Eric and I will hopefully be able to grab a bite to eat before we head back to the hospital."

This surprised Natalia. "Oh, you're going back to the hospital too?"

"If Eric wants me to, and so far it seems as if he does."

Natalia processed this information a little.

Lucy commented, "Calleigh seemed very well liked and respected. Its tragic what happened; I hope she recovers quickly."

Natalia's eyes turned sad. "She is. She's wonderful, and a good friend. I can rely on her for anything."

"Would you tell me a little about her?" Lucy asked.

Natalia complied happily. She told Lucy about the first time she met Calleigh, and a little of their history together and working on cases.

Finally, Natalia said, "Wow, it's been twenty minutes, and I was only taking a break for a minute or two. I have to get back to work. It was very nice meeting you."

"You, too. Thank you." Lucy went back to her reading.

Natalia met Ryan in the hallway. "Ryan, I just talked a little with Lucy. She seems like a really nice person; I can see why Eric likes her. You should go say hi to her."

Ryan replied, "Well, maybe I will. I still can't believe Eric's dating. Anyway, I think Eric's going to be done within another hour."

The surgeon's assistant called Horatio as promised, and Calleigh was still unconscious but stable and holding her own. It was still going to be a few more hours at least until she was transferred to SICU. The news gave everyone some relief from their worry.

Ryan walked into the waiting area and introduced himself. He told Lucy that Eric should be finished within a half hour or so. Lucy thanked him for the information and asked him what he did for MDPD. He told her that he was a CSI.

"Oh, so you work with Eric, too?" Lucy inquired.

"Yes, depending on the case. I work now mostly with Natalia."

Lucy said, "Yes, she was kind enough to tell me a little about Calleigh. It's nice that she is so respected here."

"Yes, she is. She's a great CSI, and I've learned a lot from her. I was a cop before becoming a CSI and there were some adjustments."

"A cop? I would assume those skills would come in handy. What was your first CSI case? Was that your hardest?"

Ryan grew thoughtful. "Actually, in some ways my first case was my hardest. I was new here, trying to make a good impression and because I was the newbie, I had to investigate Calleigh's father for manslaughter. Talk about getting off on the wrong foot."

"Manslaughter? Her father? What happened?"

"Her father was driving intoxicated and ran over a body. At first we though he killed that guy with his car, but I found out the man had already been murdered. Of course Duke had blacked out from his drinking and didn't remember anything. I felt like I was under a microscope; everything I did was being checked. Anyway, her father didn't kill him, and we caught the guy. I solved my first case."

"Did Calleigh's father drink a lot to blackout?" Lucy inquired.

"She was always getting him out of one drunk scrape or another. Probably her whole life if you ask me. He's been like that since she was a small child. Ashamed too, because no one needs that stress," Ryan said.

Then he thought about it a minute, "Oh, crap. Calleigh would kill me for telling you about that. It's her secret."

"I won't spread it any further, I promise."

"Thanks, I have to learn when to keep my mouth shut. Anyway, I have to go."

Eric walked in while Ryan was saying good-bye to Lucy. "I'm finally done. Hey, is he bothering you?" Eric looked from Ryan to Lucy.

Lucy laughed. "No, he's been very helpful; keeping me company. Natalia also came by to say hi. Are you ready to go?"

"Definitely. I need to get out of here."

Lucy and Eric left the building together. They stopped quickly for a bite to eat and then Eric wanted to return to the hospital to check on Calleigh.

* * * * * * * * * *

Visiting hours in the SICU run on a 24 hour schedule. SICU only bars visitors for 2 hours each shift change to allow patients to be re-evaluated, records updated and transferred, beds to be changed and other similar duties performed. Other than that, visitors are allowed round the clock.

Eric was the only person in Calleigh's room at 2 o'clock in the morning. Lucy had left around 10 pm to go home and get some sleep; she needed to put in an appearance at work the next day as she was giving some investors a tour of the Seaquarium. She promised to call Eric afterwards and see what his plans were.

Horatio, Natalia, Alex, and Ryan had all come back to the hospital in shifts, but left again when it was getting late. Everyone had taken turns sitting at Calleigh's bedside, but she remained unconscious from her surgery and the medications.

Eric was sitting next to Calleigh's bed, listening to the soft hum of the machines. The heart monitor was quietly beaping steadily. The ventilator was taking the occasional breathe for Calleigh, but she was breathing quite steady and easily on her own. Eric still worried about her, although the nurses had told him everything looked good. One of the main concerns was infection, which Calleigh was not presenting. As a matter of fact, she was doing well. They were expecting her to wake up shortly.

Calleigh opened her eyes sluggishly and groggily and looked around. When she was able to focus, the first thing she saw were Eric's dark eyes looking into hers, a half smile on his face. If Calleigh was ever given a choice on what she wanted to see first when she opened her eyes, it would have been Eric's dark eyes looking into hers.

"Calleigh, Cal, it's so good to see you open your eyes," he said.

Calleigh tried to say something, but Eric stopped her. "No, Cal, don't try to talk. They had to wait for you to wake up before they removed your ventilation tube; I'll probably be kicked out now while they do it. Don't worry, I won't leave."

Eric had to step aside while the nurses removed Calleigh's ventilation tube and did their assessments. They were pleased with the results.

The nurses left and Eric took his place back at Calleigh's side. He gently took her hand in his, and rubbed her hand with his thumb. "Hey, Cal."

Calleigh's throat was still raw from the tubing, but she mouthed the words to Eric, "You're ok; I'm so glad."

Eric said quietly to Calleigh, "Don't ever scare me like that again; I couldn't handle it if . . . anything happened to you." Eric's voice broke at the end. "I'm just so thankful you're doing well."

Calleigh gazed at Eric, but slowly her eyes closed. The short time she was awake was exhausting; her body was still healing. She fell back asleep with a small smile on her face. Eric sat with her until morning, holding her hand, and napping in the chair next to Calleigh's bed.

* * * * * * * * * *


	8. Undivided Attention

_**A/N: Sorry, this would have been up sooner if the flu didn't hit.**_

* * * * * * * * * *

Calleigh spent 3 days in SICU, watched carefully and monitored. She continued to improve physical each day; emotionally it was another story. The pain medication she was taking affected her thoughts more than she was willing to admit. Calleigh's thoughts were very disorganized and random.

Calleigh found herself experiencing waves of helplessness and fear when she woke from bizarre dreams. She was told it was one of the side effects of some of her pain medication. She dreamt she was a child in her parents' house and no one was home. She opened one of the doors and Alexx was standing there - then Alexx got shot. She opened the second door and Horatio was there - then someone shot him too. The third door held Natalia who also got shot. Then Maxine, Valera, and Ryan. Finally, Eric and that's when she woke up in a sweat.

Often one of her nurses would be standing there with a concerned look on her face and ask Calleigh if she needed anything. Calleigh always said she was fine and just needed to be out of the hospital.

Her friends and coworkers continued to visit her as often as they could. Calleigh enjoyed the company because she was bored, but hated the feeling of helplessness that lying in a hospital gave her. Calleigh's father, naturally, had been informed of her hospitalization. However, he was not able to fly in to see her right away due to a case; he sent his love and regards. He was told that she was recovering well.

Calleigh looked forward to Eric's visits with mixed emotions. On one hand, she wanted to see Eric; he was her best friend. On the other hand, seeing him opened up a whole new set of feelings that Calleigh did not have the energy to deal with then.

Occasionally, Lucy would visit Calleigh with Eric, and Lucy could see Calleigh's discomfort; even Eric was a little intimidated by it. Calleigh usually pretended she was tired and needed to take a nap. She rarely looked at Lucy and answered questions in only one or two words. It was getting a little tiring and annoying to Lucy who did not understand the underlining animosity.

* * * * * * * * * *

Lucy and Eric were having dinner, when suddenly Lucy asked him about Calleigh.

"Eric, I know you've been visiting Calleigh everyday and spending a lot of time at the hospital, but please, tell me more about her if you could. She seems really important to you."

Eric, always happy to have an opportunity to talk about Calleigh, complied. He recounted to Lucy his favorite things about Calleigh and his favorite memories.

Lucy could hear the love for Calleigh in his voice. She was curious why Eric and Calleigh weren't together as a couple. Eric was so plainly in love with Calleigh and she knew he was ready for a commitment. He wanted to settle down and have a family. They've talked about it themselves a few times. She was ready to settle down too when she found the right person.

She didn't understand it. Eric loved Calleigh. Calleigh took a bullet to protect Eric; did Calleigh love Eric too? Or was Calleigh just protecting a friend? They did seem close. What was she missing here?

"Eric, if you don't mind my asking, why aren't you and Calleigh a couple?"

Eric dropped his eyes and looked embarrassed. One of the things Lucy liked about Eric was that he did not hide his feelings; he was honest about them. She needed that in a relationship.

"I'm not sure. She never wanted me like that. I guess there's just something that Calleigh needs, and I can't provide it."

Lucy asked, "Do you love her?"

Eric started squirming in his seat. He knew he loved Calleigh, and he really liked Lucy. It was never his intention to hurt Lucy, and if they became serious and he fell in love, he would ask Lucy to marry him, and would not break his vow to her ever.

Eric figured that you can probably love _more _than one person at a time, but you can only _be married to one_. The one he was married to, the one whom he made his vows to, is the one he would put first in his life. He could never do any less than that and still respect himself.

He answered Lucy's question, hoping she wouldn't hate him. "Yes, I do love her; I have for a long time. But she doesn't love me, doesn't want me as anything more than a friend. I cannot wait for her forever; it's not healthy for either of us."

He looked Lucy in the eyes, "Lucy, I really like you, and I was never playing games with you. I like you more than I expected to, and you've become special to me. I am not using you while I wait for Calleigh. She's already made her choice. And I needed to move on. And I chose to move on with you."

"Thank you, Eric. I believe you."

Lucy was wondering, "How do you know she's already made her choice? Did she tell you?"

Lucy could see the hurt in Eric's eyes when he answered her question. "She dates other guys," he said. "Even knowing how I feel about her. And the sad thing is, even if she's not picking me, she picks guys that are not good to her. One guy even killed himself right in front of her. Another chose his job over her. She's always hurt."

She thanked Eric for being honest with her, and they moved on to other topics. However, Lucy still could not make herself stop thinking about Calleigh.

* * * * * * * * * *

After 3 days in the SICU, Calleigh was transferred to a private room on the second floor. A study was done and found that the longer a person stayed in SICU, the higher the chances of staph, MRSA, and other infections. The days of bed rest for most injuries and surgeries were over. It was now known that the human body heals faster when it is able to get at least some moderate exercise in proportion to a necessary amount of rest.

Lucy entered Calleigh's hospital room and saw Eric sitting by her bedside. He was just sitting there watching Calleigh sleep, barely moving a muscle. She wondered what was going through his mind.

Lucy walked up to Eric, knelt next to him, and gently hugged him.

"Hi, Eric. How is Calleigh doing?"

Eric looked at Lucy, relief on his face. "She's just sleeping now, mostly from some of her pain medication. She's doing much better and the doctors say she will recover with no damage or any other problems.

"They may actually release her in a couple of days. Everything should be fine, but she will still need to be off work for a few more weeks and on light duty a couple of months more. Physical therapy also will continue for months."

Lucy smiled at Eric, "I'm glad. That's good news. Now, how are you doing? And give me a straight answer, please."

"Much better now. I still feel so guilty; I mean she took that bullet to protect me. I am so thankful, though, that she will be fine."

"Eric, honey, why don't you go home and take a shower now that you know she'll be ok for good? Relax for a few minutes or so. You practically have been living here. I promise that I'll stay here with her and help her if she needs anything. If she wants me to call you, I will. I'll also call you if there are any changes, ok? Please?"

"OK, Lucy, I will. You are a really great person, you know that?" Eric gave Lucy a quick kiss on the lips, and left the room.

Lucy replied softly to herself, "Not yet, but I'm learning."

When Eric left the room, Lucy checked the monitors on the machines. Even though she wasn't a doctor, she was familiar with their operation and the ranges the numbers were supposed to be in. She then checked Calleigh over before sitting down in the chair right next to her bedside. Calleigh was still sleeping, so Lucy took out a small book and began to read softly out loud. She thought perhaps that the sound of a human voice might help soothe Calleigh in her sleep.

Gradually, she noticed the breathing pattern of Calleigh changing and saw that Calleigh was waking up. She waited until Calleigh fully opened her eyes and looked around.

"Hi, Calleigh," Lucy said as she leaned over her. "Eric was just here, but I asked him to go home and take a shower and rest a little; he's practically been living at the hospital, he's been so worried about you. How are you feeling?"

Calleigh looked at Lucy cautiously. "Like I've been shot," she said.

Lucy looked back at Calleigh carefully. "Well, you've got a good sense of humor, I guess that helps," she said.

Lucy continued to look at Calleigh, and Calleigh returned the stare.

Finally, Lucy broke the silence. "Calleigh," she said slowly, "I've asked the nurse to give us a few minutes of privacy. Now that I have your undivided attention, we need to talk."

? ? ? ? ?


	9. Adult Children of Alcoholics

"_Calleigh, we need to talk."_

_* * * * * * * * * *_

Lucy repeated, "How are you feeling, Calleigh?" Then she asked, "Is there anything I can get you? Water? Jello? Something from the snack shop maybe?" Lucy waited expectedly for Calleigh's answer.

Calleigh looked at Lucy as if she was a dangerous animal that would turn on her and bite her hand while she was petting it.

Calleigh then closed her eyes and hoped Lucy might take the hint and leave. She answered, "No, thank you. I don't need anything right now."

Lucy looked Calleigh over slowly and carefully. "No, you never do, do you?"

Calleigh opened her eyes and glared at Lucy. Anger and loathing laced her words. "I beg your pardon?"

"So, Calleigh, we've never really had a chance to talk - to get to know each other well. What are your thoughts about . . . . . Eric? . . . . . Eric and me? . . . . . Eric and you?"

Calleigh just looked at Lucy flabbergasted - emotions crossing Calleigh's face: anger, annoyance, fear, jealousy, and agony.

Lucy continued, "I'm guessing that this is going to be a rather one-sided conversation, and that is ok for now.

"I'm guessing - no, not guessing - I know - that you had a difficult childhood and you are still dealing with many of the effects of that. Would you like to share?"

Lucy kept talking. "My quick insights would be that you are a perfectionist who tightly controls your emotions and has walls built so thick that they are virtually impassable by other people. I mean if anyone knew the real Calleigh behind those walls, they'd hate her and run very far away, wouldn't they?"

"Who do you think you are, talking to me like that? You don't know me. You can leave my room now," Calleigh ordered her in her no nonsense tone.

Lucy responded kindly, "No, I don't know you very well. Would you like to tell me a little bit about yourself?"

Calleigh just glared at her.

"No? Well, perhaps then I will tell you a little about myself instead. I usually don't really share the details of my life with most people, but I will with you. Perhaps it may help you to realize that although you cannot change the past, you can change your present and your future.

"I grew up with an alcoholic father too, and a mother as well. As far back as I can remember I was sexually abused by my father when he was drunk. My mother drank herself to death and my father was killed in a car accident shortly afterwards; I was 14 years old. I'm guessing my mother knew what my father was up to, but just couldn't deal with it. I know she did little or nothing to protect me or my brothers and sister. She didn't want to make waves and ruin her comfortable life. My sister and brothers had different and similar torments, but theirs is their own story to tell.

"My mother was a social drinker, and she was always social. My father drank periodically, not as much as my mother though. However, when he drank, he did things to me that no child should ever have to go through. When they were not drinking - and that dry period could last anywhere from a few days to a few months - they were attentive somewhat caring parents. We did some family things together, and there were some good times; then the bad times came again. Off again and on again like a see-saw. I had no idea what a normal family life was suppose to be like. When I walked in the house coming home from school or anywhere else, I never knew if I was going to be hugged or abused by my parents; I learned to be constantly on edge."

Lucy continued in an emotionless voice, remembering the horrors of her childhood.

"As I grew up, that uncertainty at home made me unable to open up to people, even those I was supposedly close to and trusted. . . . . I mean, a child's trust in their parents is implicit. I had thought everyone's parents acted and behaved just like mine; they fooled our neighbors and friends. Since I was a child, I just thought that my friends' parents acted the same way as mine did behind closed doors. I was not able to really trust because no matter how nice a person seemed, I just assumed they were like my parents when no one was watching and that they would hurt me when I least expected it.

Lucy mused, almost to herself, "It never occurred to me at the time that if we don't have security and trust in our childhood, we will have issues to deal with when we grow up. Why is it that we find it easier to trust someone with our bodies, but not our emotions or our thoughts? For example, we'll get in a car as a passenger and never think twice about the person driving, we'll have sex with a person we barely know and have no commitment with, but we avoid telling loved ones our deepest fears and greatest joys?"

Calleigh's eyes were closed, but she was listening intensively. She was fascinated with Lucy's story in spite of herself. Lucy's kindness and openness gave no hint of the trauma and abuse she suffered as a child. How did she do it? How was she able to go beyond it? Could anyone heal as much as Lucy apparently did?

This information was all so new to Calleigh and she couldn't believe how well she was relating to it. Calleigh was a very intelligent person, but never really dealt with psychology, not even her own. I mean she saw the company shrink when ordered, but always gave pat answers. It never occurred to her before that some of her issues were actually formed while she was a child trying to survive her parents' drinking and neglect; the company psychologist never mentioned it as a possibility.

Lucy continued, "I was very hard on myself. I thought that if_ I_ was a better daughter, a better person; I would have a better life and my parents would be kind to me. I loved my parents. I thought that it was _my_ fault they didn't love me enough; I wasn't good enough to get their love. I blamed myself for _their_ faults and_ their_ choices. It was only after I went to counseling and support groups that I realized nothing would have made them good parents to me, nothing I did or did not do. Their drinking and abuse was _not_ my fault, but _their_ choice, and _their_ sickness, and nothing I did caused it or even would stop it.

Calleigh mind was grasping at this information; perhaps she herself wasn't as bad a person as she thought she was. She remembered so many times in her life pleading with her father to stop drinking, begging him not to do it again. He always promised he would stop, then she'd get a call from a bar to pick him up. She'd thought that her father's drinking was somehow her fault, her failure - that she wasn't doing enough to make him stop. Why did she think it was her job to make him stop? No one could _make_ her father stop if he chose not to. She remembered her fear and embarrassment when her father was investigated for running over a body in a construction yard. Why did she blame herself for her father's choices? Her father was an adult.

Calleigh's thoughts was racing a mile a minute. _Could Lucy be telling her the truth? Is that why she was so afraid to get close to someone and allow them to get close to her? She was so afraid that she would never measure up to someone's standards; its why she pushed herself over and over to do everything perfectly. Is that why she was so afraid of admitting her feelings for Eric? Because it would make her vulnerable to him? Opening herself up to pain if he rejected her - __or worse, laughed at her? Why was it easier for her to take a bullet for Eric instead of telling him she loved him? Bullet verses words and she chose the bullet???_ Even now the thought of telling Eric she loved him still scared her._ Maybe Lucy really knew what she was talking about._

Lucy carried on with her story. "Many adult children of alcoholics have relationship problems, did you know that? We have trouble dealing with intimacy, and we even choose in our relationships people who are alcoholics themselves, or have other similar problems. Those problems are 'normal' to us, and, unfortunately familiar like a worn pair of ill-fitting shoes. Some of us also have self esteem issues and perfection issues. Some of us want to be in control at all times because we had so little of it over the important things growing up - like normalcy, security, intimacy, nurturing, etc. Some of us also become alcoholics because its the way we were taught to deal with our problems.

"The thing, Calleigh, that you have to realize, is that you are no longer that child. Sure, your wounds are there, and they always will be there. So are the memories; they are a part of you. They made you who you are - your successes and your failures. But you are not the only one who has been affected by someone else's drinking. There are support groups that will help you overcome your habits and allow you to learn what 'normal' should look like and feel like. You can talk to people who have gone through what you did and are healing. You do not have to be perfect to be loved - and you deserve to be loved. However, you need to make the choice, and the commitment to learn. . . . . that is, if you really would like to break away from your fears and change."

Lucy paused for a minute, and Calleigh waited for her to continue. Calleigh was so interested in what Lucy was saying that she did not want to interrupt her; however, being Calleigh, she did not want to admit that she needed to hear what Lucy was saying.

"Now, I really care about Eric, and I know you do too. . . . . As a matter of fact, I think you love Eric but are too afraid to be hurt by someone you trust, so you would rather date guys you don't. I know that I can fall in love with Eric if I let myself. The thing that is stopping me is that I know now that Eric loves you. . . . . He thinks you don't love him, but I am not so sure. . . . . If you do love Eric and want to love him as much as he loves you, come with me to an Al-anon meeting - they even have them at this hospital. Learn to not forget your past, but perhaps learn from it and let it go. You willingly almost gave your life to save Eric; can't you give your life a chance to live for him as well?"

Lucy paused, and gave Calleigh the option, "So, I guess the choice for your life now, like it always has been as an adult, lies with you."

Lucy left the room for a few minutes and just stood a short while outside the door of Calleigh's room to give her some privacy. She remembered how she felt the first time someone actually understood what she had to deal with when she was growing up. It was rather overwhelming to know that you are not alone in your insecurities and inner turmoil - that there was an actual reason for your pain and the poor choices you made, and that your life could get better if you wanted to work at it.

She also hoped that Calleigh did listen to her and take a chance. She knew some people were so scared of change that they would rather stay in an abusive relationship that is familiar to them than make a leap into the unknown and change - even if that abusive relationship was with themselves.

* * * * * * * * * *

**A/N: _I always pretty much had the full storyline in my head when I decided to write this story. Lucy was always going to be a good and kind person, who overcame her trials, because there are many people in the world like that. However, I added one detail and couldn't believe that I didn't think about it in the very beginning. ACOA "Adult Children of Alcoholics" is a recognized syndrome affecting numerous people worldwide. There are certain recognized characteristics that are common to the adult when they as a child grow up with one or more parents (or caretakers) who drink excessively. (You can do a web search)_**

**_Calleigh's character is well known to have an alcoholic father, and many people believe her to have had a mother who was emotionally unavailable and probably drinking_**_ **as well throughout most, if not all, of her childhood.**_

**_In my unprofessional opinion, Calleigh's character (whether by chance or design of the show's writers) shows many of these traits in her actions: choosing unhealthy or emotionally unavailable relationships (like Hagen, Jake); perfectionism; over achieving; fear of losing control; fear of needing people; difficulty with intimacy (like Eric). _****_So I decided to add this to my story and make Lucy an ACOA who would be able to relate to and help Calleigh's character._**

**__**

**_Most people are familiar with AA which is a support group for recovering alcoholics. Many people don't realize that there are also support groups worldwide for their families and friends (or anyone affected by someone else's drinking): a popular one is Al-Anon and Al-Ateen. Since the non-drinking members usually change their life and behavior to accommodate the drinking member (by lying for them, worrying, babysitting them, changing plans last minute, pleading, etc.), the support groups help the family member to take back their life and stop enabling the alcoholic. They also aid Adult Children of Alcoholics who are dealing with issues related to their upbringing._**

Sorry for the long Author's note.

**To CBS: I don't own the show or your characters; however, if you're interested in doing a good community service, feel free to get in touch with me about my idea of Calleigh dealing with her ACOA and going to Al-anon or something similar, so that she could have a healthy relationship with Eric. I think it would be a great idea and great public service :-)**


	10. Visitations

Calleigh lay in her bed, a little stunned at what just occurred. She felt as if the bed and the floor just dropped out from under her. She took a couple of deep breathes, and tried to compose herself a little.

Did Lucy just tell her life story? Did Lucy just bare her soul like that? Did the last 10 minutes just happen?

Calleigh sat up a little more and tried to figure out what she should do next. She was relieved she was alone for a few minutes and had a little time to herself. Now what to do next?

Calleigh's first thought was whether or not anyone heard Lucy speak? Did anyone hear what Lucy said? Did anyone think Calleigh needed to hear it? She was not interested in getting questioning or sympathetic looks from the hospital staff.

Then Calleigh thought a little more about what Lucy said. Perhaps she _should_ look into this ACOA and see if it was real and whether it was something that was affecting her relationships. Calleigh knew that she was not very good in the relationship department. No one needed to know - she could do some research and reading privately at home.

Just then, Lucy stuck her head in the room's doorway. She looked at Calleigh, and asked humorously, "Is it safe or are you going to throw something at me?"

Calleigh decided to take the opening for a truce, and replied, "I'm not allowed to throw yet; it'll tear my stitches."

Lucy walked back in the room and approached Calleigh. She went over and sat near Calleigh's bed. "Calleigh, don't worry, I'm not asking you to tell me anything about yourself or answer any questions."

She handed Calleigh a couple of pamphlets on Al-Anon and ACOA.

"Calleigh, I'm not pushing anything, but here is some information if you are interested in reading it. I'm going to the snack bar for a cup of coffee and a sandwich or something. Can I bring you anything from there? They have a great brownie sundae if you like them. I don't believe your doctor has you on a restricted diet."

"Do they have real hot fudge?" Calleigh asked.

"Yes, real fudge, not that chocolate syrup stuff. It's pretty good, especially for a hospital snack shop", Lucy answered. "I'll get it for you to try."

Lucy left the room, and Calleigh looked down at the papers on her lap. Perhaps Lucy wasn't as bad as she thought.

She picked up one of the pamphlets Lucy gave her. She read the questions curiously; there were about twenty of them. A few of them caught her attention: Do you have trouble with intimate relationships? Do you find it difficult to identify and express your emotions? Do you tend to seek or attract people who tend to be compulsive or abusive? Do you think someone's drinking may have affected you?

Then there was a final statement that said "If you've answered 'yes' to any of these questions, we may be able to help."

A lone tear slid down Calleigh's cheek and splashed on one of the words. The word "isolate" in one of the questions was now smudged. Yes, sometimes she did feel isolated from other people - even those she trusted or had relationships with. Perhaps, as her body healed, she could take the time for herself and explore some of these questions and answers. She noticed that the pamphlets spoke of anonymity and confidentiality in their meetings. Only those whom Calleigh chose to tell would even be aware that she was going to a meeting. Calleigh figured she could deal with that.

Lucy came back into the room carrying a fudge brownie sundae; she had wanted to give Calleigh more time alone and so had eaten her sandwich at one of the tables in the shop.

Calleigh took the sundae gratefully. "Wow, this looks really good. Thank you."

Lucy replied, "You're welcome. I may get myself one later too."

Calleigh concentrated on the fudge and took a bite; this was really improving her mood. "I've decided to check out one meeting," she said. "Whether or not I go to another one depends on what I think of the first meeting. I'm not really sure I need the help or support, but I have nothing better to do at the hospital. I am curious, so perhaps this will alleviate some of my boredom."

"Whatever you decide is fine," Lucy affirmed. "I'll go with you the first time if you like; it's at 8 o'clock this evening and they last for about an hour. I'm not sure about hospital protocol for patients attending; I can bring the wheelchair for you and perhaps a nurse doesn't have to go too."

Calleigh agreed. "OK, but you do _not_ tell anyone I've decided to go to this."

"I wouldn't dream of it. This is confidential and private - the only ones who will know about you are the ones you tell."

"Just so we understand each other." Calleigh took another bite of her brownie and ice cream.

"I need to leave you now and deal with some things at home and work. I'll be back about 7:45 or so this evening with a wheelchair so we can go. I told Eric I would call him when I left; I know he wanted to check on you." Lucy said good-bye and left the room.

Shortly after Lucy left, Natalia and Alexx came in carrying some bags for Calleigh. Calleigh put the pamphlets she was reading out of sight.

"Hey, Calleigh," Natalia said. "Since you're feeling better, we thought we'd bring you some girlie things."

"Hi, baby," Alexx said as she gave Calleigh a hug. "Don't ever do this to me again."

"I'll try not to," Calleigh replied as she looked in the bag. "I really do not like hospitals."

Calleigh smiled, "Oh, wow. Magazines, a brush, lip gloss, hair ties, slippers, panties, lotion, and a bathrobe. Oh, I love you, ladies - this is great. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome. We thought about bringing you more clothes, but Alexx said the hospital staff was going to insist you wear their gowns. Easier for them to change and move if needed. But if you want us to bring you anything else, you let us know, ok?" Natalia told Calleigh.

"Oh, this is fine so far - more than fine. Thank you."

Natalia told Calleigh, "So, would you like to know what's going on in the lab? We all miss you. Your work is being handled and Stetler's been a pain in the ass. He pretty much put Eric through the ringer during his statement. Frank chewed out the uniform who cleared the house and was watching it. Frank and Horatio interviewed the guy who shot you, but there really isn't a motive. The guy was off his meds, and pretty spaced. He had no connection to the house or the people that lived there. Actually, he had little connection to reality. For all we know, he saw the house on the news and decided to move in."

Calleigh answered, "I'm not sure what is worse - getting shot by a man who knew what he was doing or getting shot by someone who didn't."

Alexx told Calleigh, "Don't dwell on that. Just get better, and come back to work with us. I miss you."

"I miss you guys too," Calleigh said. "I can't wait to get out of this place."

"Well, baby, we need to get back to work. We decided we would come and visit at our break, but we are really pushing the time here."

"Thanks, Natalia. Thanks, Alexx. It was so good to see you and you're both a lifesaver with your gifts."

* * * * * * * * * *

Eric stopped in to see Calleigh on his break. Lucy had called Eric and told him that Calleigh was doing well and that she was leaving the hospital because she had to get into work for a few hours at least.

Eric walked in Calleigh's room and saw that she was awake, reading a magazine.

Eric greeted Calleigh with a huge smile. "Hi, Cal. It is so good to see you awake and sitting up. How are you doing?"

Eric was slightly perplexed when Calleigh looked at him, blushed, and dropped her eyes.

"Hi, Eric. I'm doing fine. Just waiting for the day that they let me out of here."

She looked up at him again. "I am so sorry Stetler gave you a rough time."

"Don't worry about him; everything is taken care of now. Ryan helped a lot with his statement," Eric replied. "H told me to say hello. He will be stopping by to visit, probably in a little while."

Eric walked over to Calleigh and gently brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Calleigh, I am so glad you are doing well. You had me so scared when you were shot."

Then Eric's voice rose in pitch, and he started yelling at Calleigh. "What did you think you were doing, jumping at a guy with a gun? Calleigh, what were you thinking??!!"

Eric's voice broke, overcome with emotion. He was reliving the terror in his mind. "Do you have any idea how I felt when I watched you get shot??!! I thought you were going to die in front of me. Do you think I would have been able to handle that??!!"

Eric's voice dropped down to a loud whisper. "It would have destroyed me, querida."

Calleigh's heart jumped when she heard Eric call her "beloved". She was glad she wasn't on a heart monitor anymore because she was sure an alarm would have sounded.

Eric turned away from Calleigh and faced the wall. Calleigh was looking at Eric's back, and she saw his shoulders slumped. She could tell that he was no longer angry, but hurt and struggling to get himself under control.

"I'm so sorry, Eric," Calleigh whispered. "I had to try to stop him." She sniffled a little. "I couldn't watch you get shot. Do you think I could deal with seeing you lying in a hospital bed again - or worse, dead? Wondering if you were going to die or get better - those were some of the worse days of my life. Do you think I would have been able to handle that?"

Eric turned back around and faced Calleigh. He felt like a heel - first, the way he couldn't help her when she got shot, now yelling at her because she tried to protect him.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you, Cal. I just - I just got a little upset; when you hurt, it hurts me. I can't bear to see you hurt."

He looked in her eyes and watched her intently. Calleigh felt her cheeks getting warmer under his gaze. She blushed again and dropped her eyes.

Eric walked over to the bed and sat down next to Calleigh. He put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a hug. After a brief hesitation, Calleigh wrapped her arms around Eric and put her head on his chest. They sat that way together enjoying each other's company, saying nothing but feeling everything, until the nurse walked in the room to check Calleigh and take her vital signs for their records.

* * * * * * * * * *


	11. Many Meetings

Calleigh returned to her room later that evening and after a quick good-bye, Lucy left for the night. Calleigh went to the bathroom and got ready for bed; she brushed her teeth and washed her face. She then slipped out of the normal "street" clothes that she insisted she wear for the hour. She had to put back on the hospital gown that the staff made her wear. It was a pale lime green yellow striped horror that would make anyone look more sick than they actually were. She then quickly brushed her hair. Calleigh laid down in her bed and relaxed for a minute. She closed he0r eyes, took a deep breath and thought about her evening.

Lucy had shown up as agreed with the promised wheelchair. They entered the Al-anon meeting room at about 5 minutes to 8:00 and Calleigh wanted to be as inconspicuous as possible. She decided to sit in the back and just listen and watch. She was still unsure of this whole Al-anon thing and she wondered what she was doing here - what had possessed her to agree to come - even if it was only once?

Now if one of these people took out a gun and started shooting, Calleigh would confidently and assuredly know what to do and how to react. However, these people sitting here, discussing their lives and their feelings, their problems and solutions, had Calleigh feeling unsure and out of sorts.

The meeting really wasn't as bad as she expected, though. Everyone was friendly and there were none of those "sympathetic looks" in her direction. In some ways it reminded Calleigh of a gathering of friends. The people there only introduced themselves using first names and everyone was cautioned not to repeat was heard, nor even comment that you saw anyone in particular there. This was their privacy policy that they wanted to make sure everyone understood.

Some people shared their stories; others like Calleigh sat quietly and just listened. These were everyday people, concerned about how to take back their life and in the process deal with a loved one's drinking - mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, coworkers, and friends. Their stories were full of questions, sorrows, and trials - but also, surprisingly, joys and courage, satisfaction and triumphs. Calleigh, in particular, was touched by a young woman who was getting married in 3 weeks. The woman, Judy, told her story, and told about her fear that her father and brother would drink excessively at her wedding and make a scene. The warmth and support of the group was uplifting.

Shortly afterwards, the meeting was over. After a couple of good-byes, Calleigh and Lucy left and Lucy wheeled Calleigh back up to her room.

Calleigh stretched in the bed and adjusted it more to her liking. She closed her eyes feeling more content than she had in a long while. She slowly let her thoughts drift to Eric.

Eric with his warm brown eyes, his teasing chuckle, and the way he looked at her as if he saw everything about her and lov . . . . thought she was wonderful anyway.

Did Eric love her? Although he never told her, part of her thought he did and part of her was scared that he did. She knew that a relationship with Eric would be different from any relationship she had in the past with anyone else. This one would be intimate, not only in the physical sense, but in the emotional as well. This relationship would be serious.

Tomorrow, she would take that chance. Right before Lucy left, Lucy reminded Calleigh, "Calleigh, I still need to talk to you about Eric; I haven't forgotten about it."

Calleigh hadn't forgotten about it either. Tomorrow would be a day to remember.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Hey, Cal, good morning," Eric greeted Calleigh as he walked into her room right after breakfast.

Calleigh looked up at Eric with a big smile on her face. "Hey, Eric. It's so good to see you. How are you today?"

"Doing better, now that I know you're going to be ok," Eric replied sheepishly.

"Thank you, Eric. That is very sweet," Calleigh answered.

Eric was startled. He quickly lifted his head, and looked at Calleigh closer. She sounded different. Normally, Calleigh used her "that is very sweet" line when she was teasing or when she was putting up her walls and taking an emotional step backwards.

This time she sounded as if she seriously meant it; she sounded as if she really thought he was sweet and she liked it.

Eric sat in the chair next to Calleigh's bed. "Have you seen your doctors today yet?"

"Are you kidding?" Calleigh moaned. "They make their rounds just as the sun comes up - even before I get my coffee. I open my eyes in the morning and they are there. Talk about nightmares!"

Eric laughed. Impulsively, he grabbed her hand and started rubbing his thumb over the backs of her fingers. "Well, what did they say?"

Calleigh felt his warm hand holding hers. She was slowly becoming hypnotized watching his thumb move back and forth, back and forth over her fingers. She felt her skin tingle with the sensations.

"Calleigh," Eric shook her hand a little. "Calleigh, what did the doctors say?"

Calleigh moved her head slightly from side to side, trying to clear her mind. "Uh . . . the doctors said that everything looks good. I should be going home the day after tomorrow."

Eric leaned over and hugged Calleigh carefully. "Oh, Calleigh, that is so great. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, not yet." Calleigh leaned against Eric a little, enjoying this small taste of intimacy. "I still have to wait and see what the doctors tell me I am and am not allowed to do."

"OK," Eric said. "Let me know when you find out."

Calleigh smiled at Eric. "I will, Eric. Thank you."

"Anytime, querida, anytime. You know that." Again, Calleigh's heart leapt as he called her "beloved".

* * * * * * * * * *

Calleigh spent the morning trying not to be bored. Horatio stopped in with some firearm magazines and paperwork from the lab that was not confidential.

"Good afternoon, Ma'am. How are you doing?" Horatio stood at the side of the bed, trying to figure out where to put the papers he brought.

Calleigh smiled, thrilled to have some company, especially if it was going to be work related; she loved her job. "Hey, Horatio. Doctors say I'm doing well. How's everything going with you?"

"Well, Ma'am. We miss you over at the lab and we're trying not to let your paperwork pile up too fast."

"I can't wait to get back to work. I think I had enough off time to last me a few years at least." There was a lot of sincerity in Calleigh's voice. Calleigh relieved Horatio of the papers and magazines he had in his arms. She looked down at what he brought. "Oh, great. _Guns and Weapons_ - the new issue. Thank you, Handsome. This will relieve some of my boredom; I can't wait to read it."

Horatio smiled; glad to have helped make Calleigh's stay a little easier. "Your job misses you too. The other shifts are scrambling to keep up with your duties. I've told them it won't be too much longer."

Then Horatio got more serious. "Miss Duquesne, I also wanted to give you some more information about . . . your shooting." Horatio looked at Calleigh to make sure she was strong enough to listen about the case where she herself was the victim.

Calleigh schooled her expression to one of professional interest and impartiality. "It's ok, handsome. You can give me the details."

"Calleigh, I'm sorry, but there's not too much information to give. All the evidence points to the same thing - it was a chance encounter by a man who had no reason to be in the house and was mentally unbalanced and not following his medication schedule. Just too many cutbacks in federal funding so some patients are released from facilities sooner than they should be. I'm sorry. I wish I could give you some great news that we will be able to put him in jail for life. From the looks of it, I doubt if he'll even be found competent enough to stand trial. He'll be sent back to the psychiatric hospital, put back and medication, and dealt with there - until the doctors release him again."

"I know, not a perfect system. Thank you, Horatio. I know you and the team did everything you could," Calleigh told him with sincerity.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Why would you give up Eric for me?"

Calleigh and Lucy were finally having their conversation about Eric later in the day when Lucy stopped in. Lucy chuckled. "Give up Eric? Calleigh, he's not mine to own. I can't force Eric to choose me over you, any more than you could force someone to love you. It doesn't work that way."

Then Lucy got deathly serious. "Listen, Calleigh. Don't get the idea that this is easy for me or that I would do this again in any other circumstance or for anyone who asked. Eric is a great guy. He's smart, attractive, and kind. He tries to do what he thinks is right, even if it's not easy for him. He wants a family and a future. I really care about him, and I am not overly interested in becoming a martyr here. Believe me; I would rather if you just wanted to stay friends with Eric. If things don't work out between you two and I am still free, I would definitely see if he would get back together with me again."

Lucy tried to compose her thoughts and then she continued. "I'm not 100% sure why I'm giving you this chance. Maybe you remind me of the way I use to act in some ways; maybe I don't want to always wonder about Eric when he goes to work - Eric and I and Eric and you. I don't know. I do know, though, that I need an honest and straight answer from you - no hiding behind walls, no beating around the bush. I won't deal with that in this. Eric already believes that you will only ever like him as a friend and he has had to move on - without you - and with me. My questions to you are "Do you love Eric?" and "Do you want to be with Eric in a relationship?"

Calleigh swallowed, her mouth became dry. _"Come on, Calleigh. Grow up already, and just answer the questions like a big girl,"_ she told herself. _"Pretend Eric is that big one of a kind gun that you can't live without because she's offering to give you that gun. Do you want that gun? You know you want that gun."_

Calleigh looked at Lucy and took a deep breath. "Yes, I love Eric," she admitted. "I do want a chance to see if Eric and I can be together."

Lucy's face fell. Even though she expected this answer, it was something she really wasn't looking forward to. It actually broke a small part of her heart. She steeled herself, sat up a little straighter and sighed. "OK," she said. "I will break up with Eric in the next day or two. I need to work out some things for myself first." Then she gave Calleigh a stern look. "Don't play games with him now," Lucy cautioned Calleigh. "He doesn't need that - and neither do I."

Lucy handed Calleigh a list of Al-anon meetings. "I want you to go to at least another 5 meetings in the next 10 days. After that, it's your choice," she told Calleigh. "I'll take you, you can go by yourself, or go with anyone of your choosing. You at least owe me that."

"I will, I promise, Lucy. Thank you. Thank you for . . . everything." Calleigh said sincerely.

Unknown to Calleigh and Lucy, their private conversation was not as private as they thought it was. Their eavesdropper became deliberately quiet when the two women were talking and went unnoticed by either of them.

Lucy had closed the door before speaking privately to Calleigh. She and Calleigh were so caught up in their conversation that they never heard or noticed the doorknob turning. The layout of the room also contributed to their ignorance since the room was shaped like an "L" with the door at the bottom end and the bed sideways facing the wall.

The doorknob silently turned and the door had opened a crack in the middle of Lucy's statements and stayed opened while the women continued to talk. After Calleigh made her promise, the door slowly closed again and the doorknob was still again.

* * * * * * * * * *


	12. Sins of the Father

The following morning, Calleigh sat up in her bed eating a breakfast of scrambled eggs, toast, and coffee. The food wasn't really that bad, except that by the time it got to her room it was either lukewarm or cold and cold scrambled eggs did not taste appetizing. Calleigh was hungry, though, so she ate everything anyway. She was still annoyed with the decaf they insisted she drink, and was looking forward to a visit from anyone who would buy her a real cup of coffee. While she was eating, she was skimming through her magazine _GunDigest_, trying to occupy her mind and find an article she had not yet read.

Calleigh looked up when the door to her room opened; a man stepped through and entered the room.

"Daddy!" Calleigh squealed as she saw her father, Kenwall 'Duke' Duquesne, standing there. "You were able to come!"

Calleigh's father stood in the doorway and then walked over to Calleigh's bedside. Duke looked her over, checking to see how she was doing. "Hello, Lambchop," her father replied as he smiled and bent down to give her a kiss on her forehead.

"Don't I get a hug too?" Calleigh teased her father.

"Absolutely," and Calleigh's father bent down to give his daughter a big hug. Calleigh wrapped arms around her father's waist and happily returned his hug.

"I missed you, Lambchop. I am sorry that I wasn't here sooner to see you," Duke apologized, "but I had to finish a case I was dealing with. By the time I was contacted, you were already out of danger and on the road to recovery."

"That's fine, daddy. My friends were keeping me company, and I am much better according to my doctors. I should be going home tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? That is good to hear." Duke looked a little closer at his daughter. "I'm going to be able to stay in town for a few days before I have to leave . . . . . That is, if it's OK with you."

"Of course, its OK with me," Calleigh reassured her father. "It's also wonderful to see you. Why wouldn't it be?"

"It's so good to see you, Calleigh, and to know that you are going to be fine. I was so scared when the office called me."

"I'm sorry, daddy. I didn't mean to scare you. I think I scared a lot of people." Calleigh continued, looking thoughtful. "I am overwhelmed with the amount of attention I've been getting."

Duke looked closely at his daughter. "I hear you saved Eric Delko's life."

"I think we both jumped for the gun at the same time. I guess I was just a little faster," Calleigh explained to her father.

"Your boss, Horatio, told me the story. He also said that the man who shot you probably will not go to trial."

"That's what I've heard, too," Calleigh said. "It's just the way the system worked out this time. The team did a good job with all of the information and evidence."

"So, do you need a ride home tomorrow or is a friend taking you?"

"Eric told me that he would take me home. I think he already cleared it with Horatio."

"Eric, uh? He seems to always be around you; I think he cares for you. Are you dating him?" Duke looked at his daughter wondering about the relationship.

"No, daddy. I never dated Eric. We're friends - good friends - and coworkers," Calleigh said. Then she thought, _'at least now. Hopefully, that will change soon and we can be something more.'_

Duke looked at his daughter carefully once more and kept the rest of his questions to himself.

"Come, sit here, daddy, and tell me what's going on recently. I haven't seen you in a very long time." Calleigh moved over on the bed and patted the mattress next to her.

Duke sat next to his daughter and put his arm around her. "Well," he began, "there's not really a whole lot to tell." He proceeded to entertain Calleigh with stories about some of his cases and the doings of some of the people he worked with. He had to stop with the stories when he told Calleigh about one of the judges who had such a bad case of gas that the witnesses being questioned couldn't concentrate on anything but the smell. Calleigh had to hold in her laughter as her father told her that the trial was postponed and the aide was personally going to handle the details of the judge's lunch so that the incident doesn't happen again.

"No more, daddy, no more - I am not supposed to be laughing that hard." Calleigh told her father with a smile. "The doctor will tie me down if I break my stitches. I still want to leave here tomorrow and go home."

"Well, no more funny stories then," Duke replied. "Can I talk to you about something serious?"

"Sure, dad. Is everything well at home? Are you ill? Is mother?" Calleigh asked worriedly.

"No, nothing like that, Lambchop. Nothing like that." Duke thought for a minute. "I was here last night . . . . . I mean, I wanted to - I came here to visit you last night and you had company - a friend - attractive woman with light brown hair."

"Yes, her name is Lucy. . . . . although she's not really a friend - more like a friend of a friend."

"Well, anyway, . . . . . you both were talking. I didn't want to interrupt. I heard her - Lucy - mention that she is going to break up with Eric?"

"Daddy, that is a situation that I can't talk about right now."

"OK, OK. I understand. I just want you to know that I want the best for you - all the time. I really do." Duke looked at Calleigh hoping that she would be able to sense, to see in his eyes that he meant every word.

"I know you do, daddy," Calleigh tried to reassure her father.

Duke wasn't convinced. "It's just that I know there are things I shouldn't have done or things that I should have done differently. When I heard you could have died, I was beside myself. You are my little girl, my baby. I don't want to lose you."

"You won't lose me, daddy. I'll always be your little girl."

"There's something else that I heard and wanted to talk to you about it." Duke paused, and took a deep breath. "I heard her tell you to go to some Al-anon meetings and you said you would?"

"Yes, daddy. I promised her; she's been very kind to me. She seems to think that it can help me with some . . . issues . . . and I already went twice and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be."

"So you actually think it might be beneficial for you?" Duke asked carefully.

"I've gotten some good insights, so yes, I think it will be beneficial," Calleigh answered. "I think I _need_ to do this for me."

Calleigh looked up at her father. "And how have you been doing? Are you still drinking? You told me you would stop."

Calleigh's father looked down. "I'm trying, Calleigh. I was doing really well and then I heard you got shot, and I had to have one for my nerves. I just couldn't stop myself; I was so worried about you. But I will stop now, I promise."

"So that's why you couldn't come to visit right away - it wasn't only a court case" Calleigh realized aloud.

Calleigh started getting angry that her father would blame his drinking on _her_ - because _she_ got shot. Then she realized what she was doing and took a deep breath - count to 10 and remember you can't change anyone but yourself. She tried to remember some of what she learned; it was difficult because it sounded better and seemed easier on paper than in an actual situation.

Calleigh looked and her father and said sincerely, "Daddy, I love you, but it's not my fault you drank - Don't ever blame me or use me as your reason for taking a drink. Out of all the choices you had, it was _your_ choice to turn to the alcohol. I cannot enable you any longer; it's not fair to me or to you. If you do anything illegal here again while you are drunk; I cannot - I won't - protect you from the consequences. I will help you get help, but I cannot put my job or my life on the line again. Do you understand?"

Duke looked at his daughter and started to protest, and then he saw the determined look in her eyes and the stubborn set of her jaw. "I understand," he replied sheepishly.

"Good," Calleigh was satisfied with that answer, and wasn't really looking to push the issue. She did miss her father's company; even though Calleigh had a difficult childhood, there were still some pleasant memories of her with her father. It was her father that first taught her about guns - how to aim properly and how to shoot them, how to clean them and take care of them. In the turmoil of her childhood, Calleigh wanted her father to love her and be proud of her. One of the bonds they had was developed during their shooting sessions together. Ironically, it was those childhood situations, both the painful and the happy that formed Calleigh into one of the foremost and respected ballistic specialists in the area.

"So, daddy, let me tell you about some of the more interesting cases we had here - but, first, I need a big favor from you." Calleigh looked at her father with a huge grin.

"What is the favor? If I can, I will," Duke replied valiantly.

"I need a real cup of coffee; they have only been letting me drink this lousy decaf substitute.

Calleigh's father laughed; he knew what a coffee lover his daughter was.

"Of course, my Lambchop. I would be delighted to. I will be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail." Calleigh watched as her father saluted her and left the room to get her coffee.

While Calleigh waited for her father to return, she realized that this was the first time she spoke to her father about his drinking without feeling guilty. She finally knew that she was not the cause of his drinking and that it had to be his decision - not hers - to stop. She could at last see beyond his illness to the man underneath. However, that did not stop her from wanting to see him get the help he needed. Calleigh would try not to let herself feel guilty any longer about her inability to control her father's drinking. Calleigh also realized that as an adult, it was _her choice_ on what limits to put on her relationship with her father - he no longer would have her _silent_ permission to hurt her.

Duke returned with two cups of coffee and handed one to Calleigh. "Here you go; it's hot, filled with caffeine and just the way you like it."

"Thanks, dad. You're a lifesaver. I have been waiting for this all morning."

Calleigh took a long deep drink from her cup; such a simple pleasure had the ability to put her in a good mood for the start of her day - which was a good way to start.

"How long are you staying here in the hospital visiting me?" Calleigh asked her father.

"I can stay for a little time yet; then I have some business to attend to. I'll be back later in the day. Will that be alright?"

"Sure, whatever works best for you; I know you have some people to see. Don't worry about me; my friends come visit me throughout the day and on breaks and I am doing fine."

"Now, daddy, since you've upheld your end of the bargain, I guess I have to keep you entertained now with stories of some of our cases."

Calleigh proceeded to tell her father stories for over a half hour until her father had to leave.

* * * * * * * * * *


	13. Breaking up is hard to do

"Hi, Eric. How are you doing?"

Eric and Lucy met later in the day to spend a little time together and get something to eat.

"Hello, Lucy," Eric said as he kissed her. "I'm doing well. Would you like to get something to eat now? I'm pretty starved. I want to head over to the hospital afterwards and see how Calleigh is doing. She must be counting the minutes until she can go home tomorrow."

"Sure, Eric. Getting something to eat sounds like a good idea. What do you feel like eating?"

Eric put his arm around Lucy and walked her to his car. "I don't know. You decide."

"You're the hungry one," Lucy teased. "You decide. I'll pretty much go with anything so far."

"How's pizza sound? We could split it. I'll get half with your pineapple and black olives and half sausage for me."

"Sounds good to me. I never turn down anything remotely resembling Italian."

They drove to a little pizzeria about a block from the water. It had great food and was reasonably priced, and a short walk away from the water that Eric and Lucy both loved.

Lucy and Eric sat in the little pizzeria near the window and watched the people as they walked by.

They ordered their food, and talked a little about their respective jobs and the day that they had. When their food was ready, one of the men brought the salads and pizza over to their table. Eric and Lucy enjoyed their food and ate silently, each lost in their own thoughts for a little while.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Eric asked Lucy quietly. "You just seem so melancholy all of a sudden. Are you ok?"

Lucy looked up from her food and met Eric's eyes. She answered, "I'm just doing a lot of thinking. I have to talk to you, and I'm not sure how to go about doing it."

Eric was concerned. "Talk to me about what? Is everything ok? Lucy, honey, if you have a problem you know I'll help if I can."

Tears came to Lucy's eyes and she struggled to control her emotions.

"Eric, you are wonderful - do you know that? I really care about you very much."

"Thank you. You are pretty wonderful yourself, and I care about you also. Why are you getting emotional? Lucy, I know we've talked about it; do you want to go a step further in our relationship? Is that what this is about? We talked about not wanting to move too fast - are we moving too slow for you now? Is that why you're upset?"

"No, Eric. It's not. Actually, . . . . . it's the other way around; I think we need to take a step back."

Eric was shocked and hurt. "Lucy, what? Why? I don't understand."

Lucy whispered quietly to Eric, trying to get Eric to lower the volume of his voice to match hers. "Eric, can we take a walk by the beach and discuss this? This place is a little too open for me, and I would like a little privacy."

Eric, following her lead, replied softly, "Sure, Lucy, sure. Here, let me just pay the bill and we can walk the block to the beach. We'll talk then."

Lucy smiled. "Thanks, Eric."

Eric gave the cashier some money, and then he took Lucy's elbow and guided her out of the shop. By unspoken mutual agreement, they walked slowly down the block to the beach, occasionally commenting on some of the flora they saw in the gardens of the cottages they passed.

They walked onto the sands and passed the dunes, walking toward the water. About 10 feet from the water, Lucy laid her shawl on the ground and she and Eric sat down on it.

Lucy watched the breaking waves for a few minutes and tried to let the soothing sounds and rhythm of the waves lapping onto the beach calm her. Eric just sat and waited, watching both Lucy and the waves.

Lucy turned towards Eric and said to him, "Eric, a lot has happened in the past week; perhaps more than you realized. It has to be your decision, but I think I need to step back - and give you and Calleigh a chance at a relationship together."

Eric was surprised. Out of everything he expected Lucy to talk about; this was not one of them. "No, Lucy, no. . . . . If that is your reason for breaking up with me, then we're not breaking up. I've tried to give Calleigh and me a chance; Calleigh doesn't want it. I told you that. Calleigh being shot doesn't change that. I can't spend the rest of my life - wasting my life - waiting for something that is never going to happen. I really care about you and our relationship is doing well. We could have a great future together. Isn't that something you want?" Eric pinned Lucy with his gaze, trying to get her to see things from his point of view.

Lucy answered, almost sorrowfully. "Eric, you are making this very difficult for me and very painful, also. Please answer a question for me; if Calleigh wanted a relationship with you - would you take it? Would you give Calleigh a chance to be your girlfriend or something more?"

Eric was confused. When he made a commitment, he kept it. He never made Lucy feel that she was competing with anybody, even Calleigh. "I don't get it, Lucy. Is this some sort of test? Does this have anything to do with our conversation from a several nights ago? I never have put you in competition with Calleigh - or anyone else - if that's where this is coming from. Are you jealous of Calleigh? Please don't be; mine and your relationship is different from the one I have with Calleigh. If I didn't want to be in a relationship with you, I would say so."

Lucy smiled sadly. "Yes, in a few ways I am jealous of Calleigh, but that's not what this is about. To put it bluntly, Calleigh and I had a conversation about you. Calleigh finds certain things . . . . . emotions . . . . difficult to express . . . which I'm sure you know. Anyway, I believe Calleigh is ready to take a chance with you and have an intimate relationship. I wanted - needed - to step back to give you and Calleigh that chance."

Eric stood up and his voice rose in pitch. "Take a chance with me? What? . . . . . Is this a joke? You and Calleigh talked about - and decided - who gets me?. . . . . without asking me? . . . . . Am I some sort of prize you both competed for? Do I get any say in this matter? Or have the two of you planned my life for me?. . . . . Eric continued, angry and hurt. "I can't believe that you and Calleigh would go behind my back and decide whose turn it is with me! . . . . . Did you pick days of the week too?"

Lucy stood up as well and faced Eric. "Eric, that's not fair. I'm sorry if you are offended . . . . . This is not exactly turning out the way I expected our conversation to go. Perhaps I took more upon myself than I had the right to - for that, I apologize."

Eric said angrily, "Yes, you did take it upon yourself; you had no right."

"I'm sorry, Eric," Lucy apologized again. "I really thought that you would be happy; I guess I seriously miscalculated."

"Of course you miscalculated, Lucy; you seriously screwed up."

Eric crossed his arms, and then paced back and forth between Lucy and the water.

"Lucy, you don't understand. This may make no sense to you, but you are opening up old wounds - old, painful wounds."

"How, Eric? How am I opening up old wounds?"

Eric faced the water and watched the waves come up against the shore. "Lucy, I have been in love with Calleigh for years. I can't even tell you the exact moment I fell in love with her. Sometimes I think it was love at first sight; other times I think it just slowly crept up on me when I wasn't looking. I always thought that Calleigh and I were meant to be together; that we were perfect together - kind of like our destiny. I thought once that my love was a given and Calleigh would realize that and love me too - forever . . . . . Lucy, I had my whole life planned out with Calleigh in my mind: the courtship, our wedding, our honeymoon, our first house, decorating, children, dog, everything. I knew it was only from my perspective and that Calleigh would also have her own ideas, too, but those were mine."

Eric paced some more, still watching the water and turned back to look at Lucy.

"When Calleigh rejected me, more than once I might add, our future, the future I had planned with Calleigh died. I had to deal with the fact that I could never have who and what I wanted the most."

Eric turned and held Lucy's arms, trying to tell her with his eyes how frustrated he was, how difficult this was for him.

"In some ways, saying good-bye to my imagined future with Calleigh was like a death, a funeral. I had to put to rest my dream and force myself to live my life on from there. Do you know how hard that is?"

Eric gently let go of Lucy's arms and continued his explanation. "I almost resigned myself to the idea that I would never find someone to care about, someone that I could possibly even think about having a future with. . . . . . and then I met you. . . . . You showed me that a future with someone was still possible."

Tears came to Lucy's eyes. "Eric, that is so sweet; I feel like I'm going to cry."

Eric continued, "Now you're telling me that something - the future I had once dreamed about, the future that died and I had to put to rest - is not dead. You are telling me that you want to resurrect something I thought was dead and buried and bring it back. Do you not understand how that upsets my life and throws everything back into turmoil for me?"

Lucy told Eric mournfully "I already apologized, Eric. I don't know what to say anymore. In my mind, I thought it was a good idea; I felt like I had to tell you."

Eric told Lucy, "And what about you, Lucy? I care about you. Do you think that you mean nothing to me? . . . . . that I could just dump you like you never existed? . . . . . that everything between us was a lie? You're someone I could actually see myself having a future with; does that mean nothing to you? Are you looking to throw_ our_ future away - yours and mine?"

"No, Eric, it wasn't a lie and I am not looking to throw away my time with you. It was - is - very important to me. I care about you; I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't. . . . . I know you care about me; you've been very honest about that and everything." Lucy crossed her arms, and emotionally gave herself a hug. "That's been the difficult part for me about all of this. I don't want to lose you, but I can't have you yet either. I feel as if we - I - didn't do this, that I would regret it for the rest of my life. Can you understand that?"

"I don't know how to respond to this right now, Lucy, I just don't know how" Eric told Lucy slowly. "I thought most of these things were dealt with and put to rest, and now you're telling me that the entire situation isn't as I thought. I don't know what to do. . . . . I am going to have to think about this. . . . ." Eric covered his face with his hands. "I am . . . . . just . . . . . going have to think about this."

Eric dropped his hands from his face and turned to Lucy. "Lucy, I need to take you home now. I just need . . . . . some time to myself right now. I need to process everything."

"OK, Eric. I understand." Lucy bent down and picked up her shawl from the sand. She followed Eric as he led her away from the water and silently back to the car.

* * * * * * * * * *


End file.
